Adam, Age 23
by BettyHT
Summary: Adam has returned to the Ponderosa after college but carries disturbing memories and has to try to reconnect. It isn't easy to work with your father who sees you as his boy, and with your younger brothers who aren't quite ready to accept you as a man either. There's more trouble with the hands because of Adam's kindness and Ben's interference. Some graphic/disturbing violence.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Pa, how come Adam ain't like Hoss and me? How come he's so grumpy?"

"Little Joe, I don't think he's grumpy. Why do you think your brother is grumpy?"

"Well, all he wants to do is work, and seems like all he wants us to do is work too. Ain't there supposed to be time to have fun too? Why is work so important to him anyway?"

"Why is work so important to him? Well, Adam has always worked. It's what he knows best. Working hard and being proud of a job well done is what makes him so special. Why are you asking this now?"

"Well, yesterday when Adam got home, he yelled at me, kinda."

"Kinda yelled at you?"

"Yeah, you know, that quiet scary way he has of asking why you didn't muck out the stable, and he had to do it. That kind of yelling. And then he gave me a couple of those looks of his last night to let me know he was still mad."

"Little Joe, I didn't know Adam had to do that. That was your chore yesterday, and I distinctly recall reminding you twice to do it. I can understand why Adam was angry. He left early yesterday morning to fix the fence where the mudslide took out a section, and then he came home and had to muck out the stall before he could stable his horse."

"No, Pa, he mucked them all out." Suddenly Little Joe realized just how deep a hole he had dug for himself. "Well, Pa, I woulda done em but Adam already did em before he said anything to me."

"Joseph, you will apologize to your brother when he gets back this evening, and you will volunteer to muck out the stall for his horse for the next week so that he doesn't have to do it."

"But, Pa, he only did it once. Why do I have to do it five times?"

"Seven times, young man. And you have to do it seven times because you are being punished. Now if you would like to continue challenging me, we could walk to the stable and have a little talk about your behavior and your attitude."

"No, sir, no, Pa, I'll muck out the stalls for the next week."

"And apologize to your brother?"

"Why do I have to apologize to him for? He yelled at me? He should have to apologize to me!" And Little Joe did have that walk to the stable and a talk with his father that left his bottom a bit tender. When he sat down to dinner, he was sore from mucking out the stalls and straightening up the stable as well as from his father's strong right hand. When his father nudged him after the family said grace, Little Joe turned to Adam.

"Pa says I got to apologize to you cause I made you muck out your own stall last night, so I'm sorry. Now I got to muck out your stall for the next week so I hope you're happy."

It may have been the least sincere apology Ben had heard in some time, but he hoped it would repair some of the relationship between his oldest and youngest sons. Adam's question though blew the lid off Joe who had been stewing ever since he had talked with his father.

"Why do I get the feeling that you think this is all my fault?"

"Because it is. Ever since you got back from your dumb college, it's been nothing but trouble around here. You're just a grump, and you make everyone around here unhappy. You just couldn't wait to get me in trouble with Pa, could you? Why did you ever come back? Nobody wants you here. Even the hands talk about you and wish someone would put you in your place."

Adam sat dumbfounded by his little brother's outburst. Ben was not speechless though. "Little Joe, you will go to your room right now. If you say another word, there will be additional measures I will be forced to take."

Little Joe stood but threw a nasty look at Adam before he left. He walked up the stairs without looking back, but at the top of the stairs did a quick check to see if anyone was watching him. No one was as they had silently begun eating their meal. Little Joe went down to Adam's room. He took a book from his shelf and opened it to the middle. He grabbed a pencil from Adam's desk and wrote 'I hate you' on the page. Closing the book with a smile, he put it back on the shelf where he had gotten it and went to his room to change into his nightshirt so as not to incur any more of his father's wrath.

At the dinner table, Adam remained silent even as Hoss and their father began to chat about things that needed to be done over the next week. Adam listened and agreed so felt no need to add anything to the conversation. He had stirred up enough of a hornet's nest with one question and had decided he wouldn't ask any more. It had been a difficult summer so far. He had arrived home to the smiles of all his family and Hop Sing, but since then, his relationship with his father and with his youngest brother had been contentious. His father wanted him to help take charge on the ranch much more than what he had been doing before he left for college but still wanted him to act like that seventeen-year-old who had to ask his father's permission to make a decision. Expected to take charge and take orders had left him in an untenable position several times especially when his father countermanded orders he had given. And Little Joe expected him to act like a playmate more than a brother who was twelve years older. He didn't have time to satisfy both his father and his youngest brother so satisfied neither it seemed.

"Adam, Adam, are you listening at all to what we've been discussing?"

Brought back from his thoughts, Adam nodded.

"Well, what do you think?"

"About which idea?"

"Hoss wants to move some cattle to that high plateau. He thinks he can get them up there through that dry wash."

"That dry wash looks good now, but when it's storming, it's a torrent. We've never put cattle up there for that reason. We can't be sure we could get them down."

Hoss scowled and Adam cringed. He didn't want to make Hoss angry with him too, but it seemed that he already had.

"That's right. I had forgotten that was the reason. I knew there was something. Well, Hoss, we'll have to think of something else to do with that high plateau pasture. We can't risk putting part of the herd up there and not being able to get them down again."

Hoss had dropped his head. He wanted to be part of the decision making on the ranch, but it seemed his ideas weren't going to be accepted. He was a little angry with Adam for coming up with an objection so quickly but had to admit it was true. He hadn't thought about that. He calmed down as he thought about it, and decided that the next time, he would talk to Adam about his ideas before he brought them up to their father. He finished off his dinner then, but was a little concerned when he looked over at Adam to see how sad he looked. He had looked a lot like that ever since he had come home. He didn't seem to smile much any more. Hoss decided that perhaps he needed to find out why. When dinner was done and the dishes cleared, Ben took a deep breath and headed upstairs to deal with his youngest son. Hoss used the opportunity to ask Adam what was bothering him.

"Bothering me? Nothing in particular, I guess, except Little Joe wishes I had never come home, Pa wants me to act like a boy and a man at the same time, and I hurt you when I shot holes in your idea. I'm sorry. I could have just said nothing about the draw."

"Ah, that's all right. I should have thought about that myself. Ifn you don't mind, I'd like to tell you some of my other ideas about the ranch when ya got time. And Little Joe didn't mean what he said. He's just got a terrible temper and he lets it get control of his mouth when he shouldn't. He's only eleven so he's not thinking too well yet. And to Pa, we'll always be his boys. Don't rightly think he can see us any other way."

"Hoss, I'll listen to any ideas you have, but it's just so difficult. I had ideas for the ranch too, and Pa shot down every one I brought up. I don't know if we'll get him to change anything. He told me to hire a couple of men in town, and now all he does is find fault in those hires especially Moses. I have no idea what he has against him. He works hard and does anything we ask of him."

"I think Pa's worried that he's a runaway, and we could get in trouble for hiring him."

"I talked to Roy about that. He said as far as he knows, no one has come this far looking for runaways. It's too difficult to come this far, and the rewards aren't big enough."

"Did you tell Pa that?"

"He never said anything about it to me, so I didn't think I needed to tell him." Adam didn't like that topic and abruptly changed the conversation to something else. "Joe said the hands wanted to put me in my place. Have you heard anything?"

"Just some grumbling about having to take orders from you especially when Pa changes em sometimes."

"And we come back to that."

"You had any problems with any of the hands?"

"Nothing that I didn't expect. There have been a few pranks, and of course they couldn't wait to see a mustang dump me on my backside. I suppose anytime something like that happens, I'm going to hear about it, but there's been nothing I can't handle."

"I did know about the pepper in your beans. Sorry I didn't tell you about it, but you did real good with that one. You ate them beans down like that's how you like em."

"Hoss, I have to tell you. I had tears in my eyes. I kept looking down so no one would see. I asked for a second helping thinking they wouldn't have put pepper in the pot, and I ate those just to stop the fire in my mouth. Those darn beans burned all the way through though. I don't think my insides were all right for at least a week. That was a lot of pepper."

"Yeah, I noticed you always serve yourself now. Smart move."

"Thanks. Nobody has done anything mean or dangerous. It's all been in fun."

Well, watch out for pranks from Little Joe now. He likes to get even, and he's mad at you now, so watch yourself."

"I don't understand why he's so mad at me all the time."

"Well, I think he expected you to come back and be the brother he remembered. You're a man now and not a boy at all. He's not ready to accept the change. He was going on seven when you left, and you were like a hero to him. Now he's older and sees you like a real person, and I guess he wonders where his hero went."

"Hoss, you are a natural philosopher. Someday, you need to write a book about all your observations."

"I ain't hardly smart enough to write a book." But Hoss was pleased to hear Adam say that he should, and it made him feel a lot better.

That night, Adam went to his bedroom early. He had put in some long days but still had trouble sleeping at night. He hoped to read a little and then perhaps fall into a dreamless sleep. It was not to be. He saw a book sticking out from the others on his bookshelf. When he went to push it in, he realized the spine was sticky. He pulled the book out and wiped the spine before laying it on his desk to dry. Just out of curiosity, he flipped through the pages of the book and found Joe's message to him. He should have been angry that his book was defaced. He should have told his father what Joe had done. Instead, he slid the book back on the shelf and turned down the lamp. He knew if he crawled under the covers without any hope of a restful sleep gone again, he would toss and turn for hours anyway. He sat quietly and stared out at the night sky. He had not slept for a full night in months as disturbing memories crowded his mind. He knew there was likely going to be a confrontation with his father as well. His anger was building on that score and it would likely only be one more disagreement before he blew. With all the pressures, he was getting used to working when exhausted and then working more trying to bury the memories that would not leave him any peace. Eventually his body would demand sleep, and then he would sleep for five hours or so before he woke and started another day without any resolution to his troubles.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Suh, why don't y'all ever look at me when we's working together?" Moses looked at Adam who was setting a post in the hole Moses had just dug.

"Moses, I look at you all the time when we're working together. I'm looking at you right now."

"Nah, suh, ya surely ain't. Ya looks at any part of me 'cepting my face. I ain't never seen your eyes, suh. I know it ain't my place to talk so, but y'all seems troubled by me. Now ya hired me, and I's real thankful to ya, suh, but I wonders why y'all won't look at me. I got's the feeling I trouble ya sum, but I don't see as that y'all have a call to be bothered by the likes of me."

"You don't bother me. Now can we just get back to work? I want this fence section finished today."

"Sorry, suh. Didn't mean to trouble you no more. Jes seems my being here troubles ya nuff."

"You're not what troubles me, and please stop calling me sir. It makes me feel creepy."

"Ya wants me to call you Mista Cartwright or maybe massa be what y'all likes?"

"Damn it, no! Just call me Adam."

"Now, Adam, y'all be wanting to tell me what's troubling ya so. I know it's the color of ma skin, but I jes don't know why. Sometimes the talking can help with the healing. Holding it all inside jes make it fester."

Adam threw down the hammer he had picked up and stalked away. Moses followed him. "I can't talk about it. It's too awful to put into words."

"Suh, ah, Adam, I done seen a lot of awful in my life. Ain't nothing y'all kin say gonna surprise me."

"I let a black man die."

Now that did surprise Moses, but he knew there had to be a lot more to that story. "Why don't y'all tell me what happened to make ya say that?"

"I can't. It's too awful."

"It's all in your mind and in your heart. I'm a guessing it don't let ya sleep at night without it crowding into your dreams. Let it out."

Adam sat down then in the shade of a tree. Moses could see the surrender in him. He knew than that Adam did want to tell someone and had not found anyone to listen to him before.

"It was just outside St. Joseph. We were at a stage station in a small town waiting for a wheel to be delivered to fix the stage we were on. A group of men rode up into the center of town with a black man tied to a horse like a sack of grain. They hauled him off the horse and took him to a tree. They said the collar he was wearing and the slit nose he had proved he had run away more than once before so they were going to make a lesson out of him. They lynched him right there. They tied a rope around his neck and pulled him up into that tree. They didn't tie his hands or anything. He tried grabbing the rope to pull himself up, but he couldn't. He kicked and clawed, and they stood around laughing. People came to watch and brought their children along. Soon there was a big crowd hooting and cheering. And I did nothing."

"Ya says it was a group of men?" Adam nodded. "So what woulda happened if ya had tried to help him?"

Knowing the conclusion that Moses expected him to draw, Adam still felt guilty about his inaction. "But I should have tried to help him."

"Then ya'll be dead too. Sometimes ain't nothun we can do about evil 'cepting live to fight it another day."

"They cut his body down and dragged it away behind a horse. When we finally got on the stage and drove out of that town, we saw what they did. They had hung his body in a tree, but they had cut away parts of him. They left him hanging there like a signpost. No burial. No notice to his family. Nothing."

"Ya needs to tell people this story, Adam. White peoples who is decent folk need to hear what kinda stuff happens."

"There's a book out about it. It was written by the daughter of a minister. I haven't read it yet, but I ordered a copy of it. I want to read what it says. I never could understand how people could own another, but when I saw the brutality of it, it made me hate it."

"Hatin it is good. It tells me y'all's a good person. Now you didn't fight those men cause there's more good you can do than dying in a lost cause. Y'all's got some good book learnin I'se heard. How about if you put some of them words on paper. There's newpapers what will print your stories. They will get the truth out and maybe good peoples can do something about people being slaves."

"Moses, will you tell me? Are you a runaway?"

Looking at Adam and knowing he could trust the young man who had opened his heart, Moses told the truth about that for the first time since coming to Nevada from Canada. "Yes. My wife and me were sent to Kentucky to work some tobacco fields. We run almost as soon as we got there. We knew where to look for help to cross that big Ohio. Once we was on the other side, there was people who helped us. We traveled at night and hid in white people's attics and haylofts by day. Once we even stayed in a pantry in a white home in Wisconsin. We traveled up a lake there then and up a river until we got to a place called Green Bay. There they put us on a ship for Canada. Once we was in Canada, we was free, but it was so cold, and work was hard to find. We decided to come out west here cuz we heard the slave catchers didn't go this far west."

"Moses, you just talked a lot better than you usually do, and I didn't know you were married."

"Yes, I play my part and try not to get any white man mad at me. I got a wife to watch out for, and we got a young'un on the way."

"Where is your wife?"

"She's living in a shelter on the Ponderosa. I bring her food when I can. She knows how to live off the land too."

"But you can't live that way when you have a baby, and the winters are cold and snowy here."

"I was hoping to have enough money to find a place for us by then."

"We have an old cabin we built when we first got here. It's got a broken down stable, and needs a lot of work. You can stay there. You could fix it up in your spare time. I'd help."

"Really? May God bless you. I'll get ma wife tonight, and we'll be happy to live there and work for ya as long as y'all want."

"Well, then, let's get this fence fixed up, and I'll show you where it is."

Happy with his decision and his ability to help, Adam was not at all prepared later for his father's reaction. "You did what? You gave a hand and his wife the right to use that cabin without asking me?"

"Pa, yes, I told Moses that he and his wife could use the cabin. Pa, it's a wreck. Moses will fix it up and the stable too. No one was living there, and it was no use to us. What's wrong with letting them use it?"

"Oh, probably nothing, but you need to discuss these kinds of things with me before you do them and not after."

"Why?"

"Why? Because I'm still in charge here, and I make the final decisions."

"On everything? How about dinner? Do you want to tell me what I can eat? Do you want to set out my clothes in the morning?"

"Adam, you're being ridiculous."

"Really? Well where do you draw the line? Why did you send me to school if you didn't want me to use my brain? Am I just supposed to follow orders mindlessly?"

"No, of course not. I want you to follow my orders and use your good judgment in getting things done."

"I thought that's what I was doing. You told me to be the foreman, which means being in charge of the men, but when I make a decision, you immediately want to countermand it. I fired Jenkins last week for drinking on the job, and he came running to you, and you hired him back. Do you have any idea what that makes me look like to the men here?"

"Adam, anyone can make a mistake. I was just trying to correct one you made."

"A mistake? I found Jenkins had been drinking. How is that a mistake?"

"He told me that he had been drinking a lot the night before and spilled some on his clothing. Well he said you smelled that and jumped to a conclusion. I simply trusted a man who has worked for us for nearly four years. I would not be so rash as to fire him on a suspicion."

"It was no suspicion, and I find it hard to accept that you would take his word over your son's."

"Now, Adam, I didn't take his word over yours. I simply realized you had been mistaken. There's no harm done. Jenkins has been a hard worker for us. To fire him out of hand like that is what got the hands talking about you."

"Oh, so now you're worried about what some disgruntled hands are saying."

"I do when it's you who have made them disgruntled." Grabbing his hat and gunbelt, Adam moved to the front door. "Where are you going?"

"Out."

"That is not an answer."

"That is the only answer I am prepared to give." With that, Adam slammed the door leaving his father fuming in the great room of the house.

Hoss and Little Joe had listened to the argument in the upstairs hallway. "Do you think Pa is gonna give Adam a tanning?"

"No, Pa don't even do that to me any more. You're the only one young enough for one."

"Well, I wish he would."

"Now why would you say that?"

"Cause Adam got me in trouble more than once, and I got a tanning every time. It's about time he got one."

"Little Joe you done got yourself in trouble. This last time you was the one who told Pa you didn't muck out the stable like you should, and it was you talking back to Pa that got you the tanning. Adam never said nothing about what you did. It was all you." Unwilling to give in so easily, Little Joe did realize that everything that Hoss said was true. "Why are you so mad at Adam all the time anyway? He ain't done nothing against you except tell you to do your work so he don't have to."

"I don't know. It just seems like things ain't the same any more since he came home. I just wanted it to be the same."

"Things change all the time, Little Joe. You can't blame people for living their lives. Heck, if things never changed, you'd be walking instead of having a horse. Ya got your own horse cause Adam reminded Pa that we both had our own by the time we was your age. Course we needed our horses cause we had ta work with the men, but Pa still got you that nice horse."

"It's not a really great horse like you and Adam got."

"No, and we didn't have great horses for our first horses either. Heck, Adam's first horse was old, and mine looked like a plow horse. Ya gotta show you can take care of your horse before Pa thinks it's time to trust ya with a valuable one. Forgetting to muck out the stables ain't no way to treat a horse. That's why Adam mucked out the stable when he got home the other night even though he was tired out. He took care of his horse first before he took care of himself."

"You like him, don't you?"

"Course I like him. He's my brother. I know he would do anything for me."

"Well, he won't do anything for me."

"You ain't been paying attention then. Now let's go down to dinner. We don't want to give Pa no more reason to be mad."

Dinner was quiet, and Hoss and Little Joe were careful not to do or say anything to upset their father more. Ben knew what they were doing and thanked them before they went up to bed. Then he sat and waited for his oldest to come home. Ben now wondered if he had made a mistake with Jenkins. Adam didn't say things that he didn't believe to be true. He wouldn't have fired Jenkins unless he was sure of himself. There was no immediate way to fix that though. He thought more too about the frustration he had heard from his son. He decided to try to work on that too. Ben had fallen asleep at his desk when he was awakened by the front door opening. Adam was quiet, and would not have awakened anyone if Ben had already been upstairs.

"Adam, could we talk a moment."

"I don't think there's much left to say. I'm tired and would like to go to bed."

"I know that there have been some things bothering you. I hear you pacing sometimes at night, and in the morning, you usually look like you could use a few more hours of sleep. I'm sorry for how I spoke to you earlier. You did a very nice thing for Moses and his wife. Thank you. I'd like for us to try starting fresh tomorrow."

"All right." Adam went up the stairs without saying anything more. He knew that at some point he should talk to his father about his disappointing internship with the firm in Boston and about what he had witnessed in St. Joseph among other things. He needed to unburden himself, and there was no better person than his father to help him. But until his father began to treat him as a man, he didn't want to go to him with his troubles. He didn't want to surrender any of the independence he had worked so hard to get. He was greatly disillusioned with many of the dreams he had had as a younger man. It was too late to talk about it that night though. "Good night, Pa."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The next morning, Ben talked with Adam about the upcoming drive. Adam wasn't happy with what he was hearing. Ben was planning to be trail boss as expected, but he wanted Charley to be ramrod. Adam was to handle the remuda and the crew riding drag, which included his younger brothers. It was Little Joe's first trail drive, and he was very excited to go.

"It's a demotion, and you know it. It tells the men that you don't respect the job I've been doing. It is usually the foreman's job to ramrod a drive."

"Yes, but I need you to watch over your younger brothers. Many of the hands are reluctant to tell me when those two do something they shouldn't. Hoss makes a few mistakes yet because even though he's bigger than any man here, he's still only seventeen. He would benefit greatly from being able to work with you. And the two of you should be able to handle Little Joe who acts first and thinks later. Both of your brothers are very good with horses so they can help you with the remuda as well."

"And I get to ride at the rear chasing down strays and eating dust like a green hand."

"Adam, it's been five years since you were on a drive. It won't hurt to take a different job for this one. You know that we do any job that needs doing on the Ponderosa."

"How about then if I'm trail boss and you take over drag and the remuda? Or we could leave Little Joe at home until he grows up some, and then I wouldn't need to work drag to watch over him."

"That's the kind of attitude that gets in the way of us working together."

"Why? It's all right for me to do any job on the Ponderosa but not you?"

"I can't talk to you when you're like this. We can talk later when you're ready to be more reasonable."

"Don't you mean when I'm ready to take orders and not voice my opinion?"

Without a word, Ben got up from his desk and walked to the kitchen for more coffee. He knew there was some truth in what Adam had said, but he was unwilling to concede anything to his son when he was in that mood. As Adam stood seething, Little Joe walked past him on the way upstairs to get his jacket for the day was unusually cool.

"You just make Pa mad and get me in trouble. Why'd you ever come back?"

"I've been wondering the same thing myself." Adam grabbed his hat and headed out to work.

Suddenly Joe was worried. He didn't want Adam to leave again, and it sounded like he might be thinking of doing just that. He was going to say he was sorry, but Adam had closed the door before Little Joe could say anything. Little Joe decided he would talk to Hoss about what he could do to make things better. Then he remembered what he had done to Adam's book, and he went quickly to Adam's room and pulled the book from the shelf. He paged through the book to find his message so he could remove it. What he found upset him more. Adam had obviously found the message and had carefully erased as much as he could without erasing the type on the page. Joe had tears in his eyes when he realized that his message was still visible though, and Adam would see it every time he read this book. Now he had another problem. If he told Hoss, he knew his big brother would be very mad as well as disappointed in him. There was no one to whom he could confide this problem. He closed the book and checked the title. He had an idea. Pa had said he would be paid for the drive. He had hoped to buy himself a new saddle, but now he had a better idea. He smiled thinking about what he had planned, but he wouldn't be able to tell anyone. It was going to have to be between him and Adam only.

Out in the yard, Adam was having some problems with the hands. He assigned Jenkins to be with his crew for the roundup. Jenkins didn't like it.

"Boy, why don't I wait for the boss to tell me where I'm working? It'd be a lot easier on you that way."

"I'm foreman here and I make the work assignments. Now if everybody would mount up to head out, we have a roundup to finish so we can get that drive underway in five days."

"Nah, sonny, I think I'll wait for the boss."

Ben and Hoss walked out at that point. "What's the problem here? Why aren't you men headed out already?"

"Mr. Cartwright, sir, I was wondering if me and my friends here could work with your crew today so we don't have any more misunderstandings with your boy?"

"Well, that seems reasonable. Let's get going. Hoss, you can work with Adam, and Charley, why don't you go with Adam too?"

Pulling his gloves on deliberately and pulling his hat down on his forehead, Adam knew that his father had just sealed his fate. He was going to have to fight Jenkins and probably his friends too at some point. It was the only way left for him after what his father had just done. Hoss saw the look and understood it too for he had drawn the same conclusion. He walked to Adam's side.

"When it happens, know that I've got your back. I'll make sure it's a fair fight."

"Thanks, Hoss. We better get going. I want to do that count over from yesterday. Pa said that we must have missed some in the count. I'm sure we didn't so we'll do it again."

"Ya think those rustlers took more cattle, don't ya?"

"Yes, and it's always ten or twenty so it's not a big operation. I think they're selling to a mining or timber outfit or maybe both. They make some cash and the camps get cheap beef. Everybody does well except us."

"All right. You got any ideas who's doing it?"

"It's somebody local. It has to be. Someone we know and someone who has access to our herds without anyone becoming suspicious."

"You think it's some of our hands?"

"That's my best guess. All we need to do now is figure out who it is and get some proof. Pa says it isn't any of our hands because they all worked here for several years except for the men I just hired, and they haven't been here long enough to do it. I think he's wrong about that, but it means he won't be helping us watch the hands."

"Do you have anybody in mind?"

"Yes, but I don't want to say until I have something more than suspicion."

"Jenkins and his buddies?" Adam gave Hoss a surprised look. Hoss just looked back with his own smug look. "You ain't the only one don't like Jenkins. I don't, Charley don't, and a bunch of the men don't. He's always looking out for himself."

Adam was quiet as he checked the cinch on his horse before mounting up. "What's he done to you?"

"To me and to Little Joe. He calls us names when he walks by but quiet enough that Pa never hears. He likes to see Joe get all mad. You know how easy that is to do. I'm purty sure he's been stirring up Little Joe about you. That way, he gets both of you, and he seems to be doing his best to knock you down in Pa's eyes."

Adam slapped Hoss on the back. Hoss knew what it meant. Adam appreciated his support and agreed with his ideas. He felt he and Adam had come a long way toward making a new relationship based on mutual respect.

With the roundup and all the hands as well as the Cartwrights out with the herd, there was no opportunity for rustlers to get any cattle away. The herd was being watched day and night to prepare for the drive. It was easier to keep a few men out at night to keep the cattle from wandering off than to have to hunt them down the next day. The only discrepancy occurred on the last day. Adam's count from the day before was off by almost twenty compared to the count his father did. Jenkins and friends had been on night duty. Adam voiced his suspicions for the first time to his father before dinner just two days before the drive was to begin.

"Jenkins and his friends lose big at poker every time the hands play. Yet they always seem to have money to go to town or buy things. Don't you find that rather odd?"

Hoss was standing next to them and supported Adam. "You know I never thought about it, but you're right. They're never complaining about being short of money. What we gonna do about them?"

"We aren't going to do anything about them. We only have suspicion."

Adam was frustrated. "So we do nothing when they could be rustling our cattle?"

"No, we watch them to see if we can prove what you say. Now don't mention a word of this to anyone else. They're innocent until we find a reason to know otherwise."

Grudgingly, Adam accepted that was probably the best way to go. They did have a drive to finish, and there wouldn't likely be any more rustling by the trio he suspected until they got back. Little Joe had overheard their conversation, and he started to come up with a plan to help Adam and help the ranch. He started to smile thinking how the rest of the family would see him as a hero and he would be back in Adam's good graces too. It was that last one that was the most important to him now. More than anything he wanted to make things right with his oldest brother.

Things went well for the next week. The roundup was finished, supplies were packed into the chuck wagon, and the drive began. The first trouble occurred when they reached a pass through the mountains with numerous draws and brush filled small canyons to each side. Adam asked Charley if he could grab a few more men for riding drag to dig strays from the difficult terrain. Adam's drag crew consisted of him, his two younger brothers, and Moses who enjoyed working with Adam and Hoss and didn't mind watching out for Little Joe.

"Sure, Adam, cause we won't need as many riding flank with the trail being so narrow and all. You can take three men with you to round up the strays and stagglers."

Adam strode to the campfire that evening. "Jenkins, Bode, and Stamp, you're on drag tomorrow and until we clear this pass."

"You ain't got the right to assign work to us. That's Charley's job."

"Jenkins, Charley already cleared me to do just that." Jenkins and the other men looked to Charley who nodded.

"It's up to Adam to run the drag crew. He can pick who he wants."

"Well, I'm gonna ask the boss cause I don't take orders from this green snot-nosed brat who doesn't know the difference between the two ends of a steer."

"You will ride drag or you can collect your pay."

"You tried to fire me once before, pretty-boy. It didn't work out so well for ya, now did it?"

Charley tried to intervene to avoid any more trouble. "Jenkins, I'm telling you you're riding drag if you want to stay working here."

"Old man, you ain't got the right to do anything about it. You backing this boy who ain't got the balls to do it himself?"

There was no way out for Adam at that point. He had followed the chain of command and done what he should have done. He picked those three men so he could keep an eye on them. They knew it somehow. Now he had to fight or never have the respect of the men in camp. Hoss knew it too and finished his dinner in a hurry to move to stand near Adam because he might need help if Jenkins' friends wanted in on it. They did. As Adam moved toward Jenkins, he swung. Adam ducked and landed a fierce blow in Jenkins' stomach doubling him over. Bode and Stamp jumped up immediately to come to their friend's aid. One swung and missed but in hitting him, Adam left himself open to the third who landed a blow to his back that dropped him to his knees. Hoss stepped in and hauled that man backwards.

"Ain't hardly fair three on one. You want to try me instead?" Hoss hit Stamp so hard he slammed into the wagon wheel and didn't get up preferring instead to put a hand to his bloody head. That left two for Adam, and Hoss simply waited to see if he was needed. Adam had taken on Bode and was delivering a series of blows although he received a few in return. By then, Jenkins was up and bull rushed Adam who saw him coming and sidestepped letting Jenkins ram himself into the side of the wagon. He staggered to his feet but the fight was out of him. Bode pulled a knife not wanting to lose to someone he considered a weakling. The fight might have gotten very ugly there except for two things. Charley and Hoss drew their pistols ordering Bode to drop the knife, and Ben stormed into the middle of the melee.

"What in tarnation is going on here? Well, who's going to explain it?"

Nearly out of breath with the exertion, Adam answered. "I gave the men some orders, and they objected rather forcefully. I think it's all settled now."

"Who told you to give the men orders?"

"I talked with the ramrod like I was supposed to, and he told me to pick the men I wanted on the drag crew. That's who." Adam stood rigid then, and his anger at the question was apparent.

Hoss tried to be conciliatory. "Pa, it's all settled now. Why don't we just let everybody just get to sleep?"

"Why don't we let everybody just get to sleep? Oh, so now you think you can tell me what to do too? I will not have fighting in my camp. Adam, take the nighthawk duty now."

Knowing he was being punished for standing up for himself but unwilling to make a scene, Adam stalked off. Hoss looked to his father hoping that he would follow him and try to make things right, but as Ben often admitted, his temper made it difficult for him to see what was right before him sometimes. Hoss walked up to him and tried anyway. "Pa, you gonna go talk with Adam?"

"I don't want to talk with him right now. When he's prepared to act like a man, I'll talk with him, and not before."

"Pa, he was acting like a man cause he is one. The men knew he was only doing what he had to do. You're the only one don't see it."

"I will not be lectured by my seventeen-year-old son. You can just go ride nighthawk too if you would rather do that than sleep."

Realizing that it was hopeless, Hoss turned and went to his bedroll. It was so quiet in camp that it was likely that the men had heard his conversation with his father. Adam came in after his nighthawk duty and found sleep elusive. He was carrying a few good bruises too from the fight. By breakfast, his weariness was evident in the way he walked and the way he sat down to have his meal. Three men walked over to him. He looked up wary of another confrontation.

"Adam, we'll ride drag with you today if you'll have us."

Looking up with surprise and then gratitude, Adam smiled and nodded. The three men sat down and had their breakfast with Adam as they talked about how to handle the drag duties with all of the obstacles they would be facing over the next few days. Ben noticed when he got his breakfast. When Adam walked off with the three men to saddle up their horses, Ben was disappointed. He had wanted to apologize to Adam and now felt he couldn't. Charley walked up behind him.

"You embarrassed him in front of the men with what ya said. Wouldn't hurt none for you to apologize in front of em too."

Ben bit back his angry retort. He knew Charley was right. "At dinner, I will."

"Be better to do it now and get it done before more harm comes of it."

"Charley, who's the trail boss here, anyway?"

"You are, and as ramrod, it's my job to give advice as I see fit. Handling the men is my job, and you interfered last night. I was right there, and what happened, had to happen."

"I know, it's just when I saw that knife, I was more worried about my boy than anything."

"Someday, you gotta start thinking on him as a man. He's proved himself over and over again. When you gonna see it?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Walking to the remuda, Ben thought over what he should say and only "I'm sorry' seemed to be appropriate so that's what he said. Then he added that he would like to talk with Adam when he had some time. Ben could see how exhausted Adam was and realized it was his fault. "Take a break from drag duty when you have time, and ride up to talk with me."

Adam wasn't in much of a mood to be conciliatory. "Is that an order, sir?"

A little put off by Adam's attitude, Ben held his temper. "No, it is a request from a father to his son. That's all. It's up to you what you do with it."

As Ben walked away, Adam was sorry about how he had responded to the apology and the request, but he knew that wasn't the time for him to try to talk with his father. The day got very busy, and he never had time to honor the request. By the time he got into camp that night, it was dark and he was more exhausted than he could remember being. He had actually forgotten his father's request. He knew he had the early morning nighthawk duty, so he skipped eating and crawled into his bedroll to sleep which blessedly came quickly. In the early morning hours, Adam was awakened to take his scheduled turn on night hawk duty. The one the night before had been extra, but now he was still very tired even though he had gotten seven hours of dreamless sleep. In the morning when Ben came looking for him for he had not seen him after the morning before, he found him gone. Hoss was there.

"He had night hawk duty this morning and then he's heading back to drag cause the herd will start moving soon. I'm bringing him some biscuits and bacon cause he didn't get no breakfast and didn't eat dinner last night."

"Why didn't he eat last night? He's not sick, is he?"

"No, Pa, just tired out. He had night hawk duty the night before cause you made him, and then he took his regular turn last night. He skipped dinner to try to get some sleep. I don't think he slept at all the night before."

"Hoss, when you see him, tell him that I do want to talk with him. I want to make things right between us."

Smiling, Hoss agreed. He told Little Joe to hurry because Adam would be waiting for them. Because the pass was so narrow, Little Joe headed out early with the drag crew. Adam had let him sleep in the other mornings and usually sent him to the camp for dinner a few hours before the others finished for the day. Little Joe had asked why.

"You're smaller than everyone else, and you need to make sure not to skip any meals. You need to be well rested too. That way you can hold your own out here like the other men. When you're older, you'll work a full day, but right now you're a half-hand although I've given you a lot more work than the typical half-hand because I thought you could handle it. You can handle what I've assigned to you, can't you?"

"Course I can, Adam. I just wanted you to know I can do more whenever you need me to."

"Thank you. You're doing a good job. So just follow orders like you've been doing, and you'll earn every dollar Pa's going to pay you. When I see him, I'll tell him how well you're doing out here on your first drive."

Hoss smiled as Little Joe rode off to take up his position of moving the stragglers along. "You're doing a real good job with him too. You found just the right way to get him to work, and I know how hard it can be to get him to do what he's supposed to."

"Moses told me that Little Joe hardly stops talking to him even with the clouds of dust the herd kicks up most of the time. He thinks Little Joe is funny. He gives me a signal when he thinks the boy has had enough for one day, and that's when I send him back to camp."

"You and Moses get along real good, dontcha?"

"I like to talk with him. He's given me some very good advice. When we get back, I'm going to help him fix up that cabin and the stable too. He said he can take care of some of the horses for us this winter. Now if I could just come up with an idea of where to get more hay. We need to stockpile more hay than we did last winter so we can drag some out to the pastures when the snow gets too heavy. We can load the loft in the stable at the old cabin too for more storage, and that's a lot closer to the southeast pastures too."

Hoss rode with Adam thinking about where they could get more hay and had an idea. "Hey, Adam, there's a lot of grass up on that high plateau. If we don't graze any cattle up there, we could probably harvest grass at least twice."

"But how would we get the hay down from there. That draw is too rocky for wagons."

"Ifn we tie it up in big round bales, we could roll em down that hill and load em in wagons down below."

Looking over at Hoss, Adam started grinning. "That's a great idea. We can do that this fall too. Nothing has grazed up there so we could get a harvest before the snow flies. Next year, you're right, and we could get at least two harvests. When we get done with the drive and head home, let's tell Pa our ideas." Adam was still tired but was energized by the idea of making at least one change in the operation of the ranch. It wouldn't be much, and it wasn't the type of thing that his father would find outlandish so they ought to be able to convince him. Once Adam and Moses got the old stable fixed up, they would have a lot more room to store hay too. Then Adam started thinking about how he could add a simple lean-to on that stable which would be even more storage and probably enough to store feed for the very worst days of the winter. Perhaps they could get at least one of the herds through the winter without any significant losses. The work went well and in the late afternoon, he sent Little Joe to the camp to get some dinner.

"Did I do a good job today, Adam?"

"You did a fine job today, Little Joe. Now go get your dinner and let them know we're going to be very hungry coming in because all the men on this job worked very hard today."

"Me too?"

"Well, aren't you part of this crew?" Joe beamed with Adam's answer and rode forward to where the camp would be set up. Adam smiled because he was pleased that he had gotten Joe to be proud of working hard and doing a job well. He knew with his little brother's mercurial nature and impulsiveness that the lesson would have to be taught more than once, but he could always remind Little Joe of the pride he felt at being part of a hard-working crew. Moses rode up beside Adam when Little Joe left.

"He's been pretty easy ta watch over on this drive. He's doing everything he can ta make shur y'all's proud of him."

"I am proud of him. He took on the job, and he's doing his best to be responsible and follow orders. I guess I never expected him to work so hard. I've never seen him work so hard before."

"Maybe I'll keep it in mind when y'all wants him ta do somethin at home. He's one of em that needs to feel that others are prideful where he's concerned. I'm thinkin some sugar works a lot better with that one than vinegar."

"I think sugar works better with everyone."

"You learnin, Adam, you learnin. Although I gots to say that fight you had in camp was all spit and vinegar and it done got you some respect."

"Not from my father. He was mad about it."

"I ain't a father yet, but I'm thinkin that no matter how old my youngun gets, I'll be thinking it's my youngun. Probably gonna have some a them same problems as any father has with a son. You want em to be a man, but they always gonna be your boy. It ain't gonna be easy for you and your pa. You two a lot alike."

Adam stared in disbelief at Moses. "Me and my father alike?"

"Oh yeah. Like looking in a mirror, it is. Smart, stubborn, likes ta be in charge, wanting to do their best for their family, and with a mighty big temper to boot. Ain't nothing to get upset about. Men respect your pa, and they respect you for the same kind a reasons."

"I know three who don't respect me. I think they're up to something just by the looks they give me, but I can't figure out what it is."

"I seen it too. It can't be nothing good for you. Not with that cottonmouth a leadin them three. I'll help ya watch em if ya wants me to."

"Yes, but don't get yourself in trouble. I already heard some of them have complained because I gave you and your wife that cabin to use. Now all the married hands get to have separate quarters if they want, but they think I showed favoritism to you."

"Don't ya worry yourself none about it, Adam. You coulda thrown me a soup bone, and them's that think that way bout colored folk would be upset. I know the ones don't like me, and I stays as far from em as I can. About all I can do."

"Anybody does anything about what they're thinking, you need to tell me. I won't tolerate that, and neither will Pa."

"It's all right. I tries not to get any white folks mad at me. It's what colored people got to do to try to stay safe. It don't always work, and I'm a grateful knowin y'all would help me ifn I needed it. I thank you for all your concern. Now my wife makes the best corn bread you probably ever ate, and we'll be sending some up to the house when I get back. She's gonna put in a garden next to that cabin in the spring too. We'll have some stuff then to pay ya back for your kindness."

"You don't have to do anything like that."

"I know it, but my wife and me want to do something nice for the first friend we have out here. It's good to have somebody to talk to who ain't worried about me speaking my mind or telling my thoughts. Makes me feel more like a man. Ifn ya don't mind none, I got one thing I been meaning to tell ya all day."

"Anything. What is it?"

"I did nighthawk duty with ya this mornin. Did it look to y'all like the herd was a might smaller than it was yesterday?"

Looking at Moses in surprise, Adam thought about that. "I guess I never thought to look to see. I just assumed that because we didn't lose any back here that the herd would be the same size as when we started." Thinking more and knowing that Moses had a keen intelligence, Adam made another decision. "I'll ask Charley to do a herd count with me tonight. There's a full moon so it should be possible to get one done."

That night, Adam pulled Charley aside and asked him if he thought the herd looked a bit smaller. Charley had the same reaction that Adam had when Moses brought up the idea, but he agreed with Adam that they could do a herd count. With the herd somewhat strung out along the pass, it wouldn't be hard to do. In about two hours, they were back and asked Ben to take a walk with them. He was shocked by what they told him.

"How could we be missing almost thirty head? We haven't had a single problem. Adam, you told me that you hadn't lost any on drag?"

Holding his temper even though his father's response angered him greatly, Adam answered quietly. "Pa, we didn't. Even if we somehow missed a few, there's no possible way we could have lost almost thirty head without someone noticing. Those cattle are missing though, and there's only one way that could have happened."

"But how?"

"Lots of little box canyons along the way and lots of brush, Mr. Cartwright. You could drive some cattle into one of them that has water, pile some brush at the opening, and come back for them in a few weeks."

"Who would do it?" Even as he asked, Ben knew. It all made perfect sense. Jenkins didn't want to ride drag because he didn't want Adam to see what he was doing. They probably scouted the canyons during the day, and then drove some cattle there when they had nighthawk duty. Jenkins, Bode, and Stamp had volunteered to do nighthawk duty together. Tonight was another night they were working. Ben looked at Charley and at Adam. "After they go out on nighthawk duty, we'll follow. Who else do we ask to help us?"

Charley and Adam immediately had some names, and the three of them drew up a plan. What they didn't know was that Little Joe had been spying on the three hands, and was at that moment following them as they went to the remuda. Thinking they were alone, they quickly outlined what they planned for the night so they could get ten or so more animals penned up in the box canyon they had located that afternoon. Little Joe finally heard something that would earn him respect when he told his father and brothers, but unfortunately in his haste to leave, he stepped on some twigs that gave away his position. It didn't take long for Jenkins and the others to catch him. Clamping a hand over Little Joe's mouth, the three hauled him with them as they left to carry out their plan except now they intended to take more cattle and not come back. They would hole up in a box canyon hoping that they would not be found because they thought no one would have any reason to know where they were. If they did find them, they planned to use the boy as a hostage.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"I can't find Joe." Hoss was nearly out of breath as he finally located Adam and their father who were talking with Charley. "He's supposed to bed down next to me, and I can't find him nowhere. Nobody has seen him for the last hour or so."

Plans for dealing with Jenkins and his friends were put on hold as the search for Little Joe consumed their time and concentration until Hoss found Little Joe's prints by the remuda. There were four horses gone, and at that point, they realized that Jenkins, Bode, and Stamp were gone too because no one was on nighthawk duty. After assigning some men to watch the herd, Ben asked the others to help them search for Little Joe. Torches were made and lit, and the men headed off to find the three and Little Joe. Ben had told the men they suspected that Jenkins and the others were the ones who had been rustling the cattle and that they were suspected to be holed up in a box canyon. Even in the dark, they soon knew they were on the right track. They found Little Joe's hat, and a short time later, they found his bandanna. Clearly he was leaving items to help them track them. Adam had to smile a bit at the cleverness of his younger brother. His father didn't appreciate it when he saw it.

"Pa, I was just thinking that Little Joe is being really clever in this. He's keeping his head and doing the smart thing. Isn't that something to be proud about?"

"No. I'm thinking his life is in danger, and I can't smile when that's true."

The ride was quiet after that as they looked intently to try to find where the men might be. It was the mooing of cattle that gave them the clue they needed. Something had disturbed them and they didn't like being herded into that brushy canyon either. The opening to the box canyon was very narrow but it was clear just by the light of the torches that cattle had recently been driven into it. Adam was looking up, and Hoss asked him what he was thinking.

"If we come at them straight on, they've got Little Joe, and he's likely to get hurt or killed. If someone could get up there and maybe back down into that canyon behind them to get the drop on them, Little Joe would stand a better chance."

"Who can do it?" As soon as Hoss asked, he knew. Adam handed him his rifle as he began to climb the wall of the canyon. Hoss went to tell his father what Adam was doing.

"Fool boy! He'll get himself killed."

"No, Pa, he's trying to make sure Little Joe don't get killed. Give him time. I know he can do it. We just gotta wait for his signal. Let's keep everybody ready to go in as soon as we can."

Wanting to disagree and say there was a better way to do this, Ben couldn't. He knew that Adam's plan was the best way to give Little Joe a chance for coming out of this without being hurt or killed. He prayed then that his oldest would be successful and added another prayer that he wouldn't be hurt or killed either. He could hear Hoss by his side and assumed he was probably doing the same. The other men had heard what Hoss said or had someone tell them. After about fifteen minutes, Moses started talking, and Ben wanted to hush him until he heard what the man was saying. He and another hand were discussing how they wondered where Jenkins and the others had got off to saying they couldn't seem to find hide nor hair of them. Ben smiled. That conversation would likely be overheard by the men in the canyon who would probably also be listening intently taking their attention from the back of the canyon where Adam likely would be soon.

Working his way slowly down the back of the box canyon and hampered by darkness because the moonlight did not illuminate the way down, Adam slowly felt his way. He had removed his boots so he would make less noise, and then removed his socks to better feel what was below him as he descended. The walls of the canyon were eroded giving him plenty of places for his feet and hands. He just hoped there wasn't a snake or scorpion that he would disturb. At one point, the granite edges were very sharp and he nearly made some sound as the edges cut into his feet. He managed not to give in to the surprise of the sharp pain and concentrated on the climb down for he believed he was the best chance his youngest brother had for making it out of this situation alive.

As Adam worked his way down the canyon behind the rustlers, Ben did his best to distract them from what was happening behind them. He had no choice but to cooperate in Adam's plan as explained by Hoss. To do anything else was to put Adam's life at risk too. Ben yelled in that they knew what they had done. They yelled back that they had Little Joe, and if Ben wanted him back alive, they better bring some supplies and such and be prepared to let them ride out of there. Jenkins was trying to figure out how to make money on the deal too because he knew that they could no longer take any cattle with them. Once Ben Cartwright had his precious son back, he might pursue them. They never heard the faint sounds from Adam descending behind them.

Finally Adam reached the bottom. His feet were cut and abraded but weren't his first worry at that point. Ignoring the discomfort, he moved forward slowly careful not to make a sound. He came up behind the three whose attention was focused on the opening to the canyon. Little Joe sat bound and gagged next to Jenkins. There was plenty of moonlight there for Adam to see what he needed to see.

"Drop your guns!"

Though the surprise was effective for a moment as the three dropped their rifles and turned around, it didn't work as well as Adam had hoped. Jenkins smiled seeing only Adam facing them.

"Well pretty boy, what you gonna do with that? You can't take all three of us."

"I can try."

The three men went to draw their pistols. Adam shot Bode first and then Stamp before swinging his pistol toward Jenkins who stood with his arm around Little Joe's neck using him as a shield with his pistol pointed at Adam.

"Now what you gonna do, pretty boy? Drop your pistol of I'll choke the life out of this one while you watch." In truth, Jenkins was shaken a bit. He had never expected Adam to be able to shoot both Bode and Stamp without being wounded himself. Bode had never cleared leather. Now he needed to get out of here for he assumed correctly that the rest of the hands and the Cartwrights would be there soon. He needed Little Joe to bargain his way out, but he feared that if he shot Adam, that wouldn't be enough.

"Now, Jenkins, all you have to do is let my little brother go, and you can ride out of here. Just RELAX and DROP your arm."

Adam had the hint of a smile as he saw the look on Little Joe's face as he emphasized those two words. Jenkins saw the smile and it unnerved him. He moved to put his pistol up against Little Joe's head but the boy suddenly was a dead weight and slid down a bit. Jenkins never had another conscious thought as Adam's bullet entered his forehead and blew the back out of his skull. Ben had been standing with the others watching and afraid to say anything to cause Jenkins to hurt Little Joe. Once Adam fired, Ben rushed forward to grab Little Joe away from Jenkins' corpse. Little Joe had some blood on his head, but clearly it wasn't his. Ben lifted a sobbing Little Joe into his arms and carried him away from the scene of the bloody shootout. He had been through enough. He didn't need to stay there and look at the ghoulish sight any more. Adam looked over at Charley who quickly took charge.

"Get the cattle out of here, and then come back here and bury these three. We'll take their horses and gear back to camp. It'll be small payment for all they stole."

Hoss walked up to Adam who was still standing with his pistol in his hand. Hoss took the pistol from Adam's hand and slid it back into his holster.

"It had to be done, Adam. You saved Little Joe's life, and you stopped the rustlers." Adam only nodded slightly. "Where're your boots?"

In an emotionless voice, Adam told him where they were and why. Hoss sent one of the men to the top to get them. Then he bent down and picked Adam up in his arms.

"Put me down! I'm not a little boy."

"No, but even in the moonlight, I can see your feet are a mess, and I'd do this for any man who got hurt like that saving our brother. Now you can fight me and end up hauled outta here over my shoulder or just relax and let me do what I gotta do."

Acquiescing to the inevitable, Adam wrapped an arm around Hoss' shoulders. "I'm riding my horse back to camp though."

"Sure you are, but I'm leading it. You ain't gonna want to be using those feet in the stirrups."

Watching Hoss carry Adam from the canyon and to his horse, Ben was thoughtful as Little Joe's sobbing subsided. He knew Adam shot his pistol a lot. Adam often went off on his own, and later they would hear the gunshots. Ben had always assumed that Adam was brooding and used the shooting to release his emotions. He had no idea how good his son was with a pistol until that moment when he had realized all that shooting had been practice. It had to be. Adam had shot two men down. Then he had been cool in facing down Jenkins as the rustler held Little Joe in front of him as a shield. Ben would never have been able to be that calm in that situation and didn't understand how Adam had done it. He had fired at the instant Little Joe had slipped down leaving Jenkins' head as a clear target. Hoss told him about Adam's feet without being prompted. The family rode back to camp then with Hoss leading Adam's horse, and Little Joe seated in front of his father on Buck.

In camp, Charley and Hoss worked at caring for Adam's feet. Adam squirmed a little as solution was poured over his feet to clean them and them cloth was used to dab at the wounds and make sure they were clean, but he made no complaint. Finally salve and bandages were applied.

"There, how's that?"

"Just fine, Hoss, but I have one question. How am I going to be able to get my boots on? I need my boots on to ride."

"You won't be riding anywhere except in the wagon for the next few days."

"Pa, I can ride. It's just a couple of small cuts and scrapes."

"Hoss, what do you think?"

Hoss stood up proudly, happy to have his opinion matter. "He needs to ride in the wagon for a few days to make sure there ain't no infection developing in his feet. I can take over the drag crew. I been watching what Adam does so I think I can do it til he's ready to come back."

"Good. That's what we'll do then."

"Hey, don't I get a say in all this?"

Hoss and Ben smiled at each other and answered in unison. "No." Little Joe grinned, and Adam sputtered but was smiling inside seeing that his irrepressible youngest brother had regained his equilibrium already. Little Joe got up and walked to Adam. He put a hand on his shoulder.

"Did your feet get hurt real bad?"

"No, they're not too bad. Just a few little cuts."

"Thank you for what you did for me. I thought he was going to kill me."

"Anytime, little brother. I'd do anything for you that I need to do, but tell me, how did they get hold of you?"

"I've been watching them because I wanted to find out what they were doing so I could tell you. I heard them say they were rustling the cattle, but they heard me when I tried to sneak off and grabbed me. I'm sorry, Adam. I didn't mean to mess up like that."

"You didn't mess up because you were trying to do the right thing, but you should never have done something so dangerous. Promise me that you'll talk to me before you try anything like that again."

"I can promise, but you know how I am." Little Joe was sporting an impish grin, and Adam had to shake his head and smile at his irrepressible little brother. Little Joe's grin faded when he realized their father had heard everything that was said and wasn't happy about it. One stern lecture later, and Joe was a bit less enthusiastic about describing what he had done and would do in the future.

By dawn, the hands were back. All the cattle that had been taken were recovered, the bodies were buried, and everything was as expected except they were now four hands short. Ben had hoped to keep Little Joe with Adam so that Hoss would have less to do, but he needed his youngest to help out. Moses walked over to talk with Ben after he told the men they would stay in that spot for one more day because they were all tired and there was enough grazing and water in a stream that ran through the pass.

"Your son, Adam, is quite a man."

"Yes, he is. When I saw him standing there facing off against Jenkins and as calm as he looked, it was like seeing him for the first time. He killed three men last night and handled it better than I could have."

"He handled it better than most men could. He's a son to be proud of."

"Yes, he is."

"Didja tell im?"

Sighing and expelling a deep breath, Ben had to admit he had not. "I was so worried about Little Joe, and then we were busy taking care of his feet and figuring out what to do next, I guess I forgot."

"He ain't one ta be ruined by praise. He don't get enough. He hungry for it."

"I'll talk to him about that. I'll find time today to talk to him."

"You willing to dress him down in public. Might be nice you do the same with the good stuff."

Ben threw him a sour look at first, but then thought about what he had said and nodded. The two of them watched and listened as Adam and Hoss talked and laughed. Hoss helped Adam get situated comfortably by the wagon. Ben and Moses could hear the conversation the two were having about getting hay from the high plateau, and about adding a lean-to at the old stable so they could store more hay for the winter. Ben was amazed at the ideas his two sons were discussing, but apparently Moses was not.

"You knew they've been talking about this?"

"Ya, suh, I was. Dey seem nervous about telling you. Seems to me you make your sons mighty edgy sometimes. Have ya thought, suh, about asking their opinions now and then. That Adam is a smart man, and your Hoss has some good practical ideas about running a ranch."

"I should."

"Mind like Adam's never rests easy. It always got to be seeing what's out there and how it could be better. He needs to climb a mountain every now and then jes ta work off that energy. He always got to be doing sumthin."

"He's very busy on the ranch. He hardly has time to sleep now. I don't want to give him any more to do. He's already planning what he wants to do to improve the cabin and stable where you and your wife are staying."

"You talkin bout his hands being busy. I talkin about his head. He need to do sumthin with thinkin sos his mind can rest too at the end of a day. Jes like that idea about harvestin some hay from the high plateau. That won't take him long once ya gives your say so. He be needin more to do or he gonna be lookin for someplace where he can do things. He got, well, he got a lot on his mind."

Moses was done talking. At one point, he had wanted to say that Adam had some troubling memories he needed to share but then decided that he had learned that in confidence and should let Adam decide if he wanted to talk with his father about it. Instead, Moses planned to let his boss stew on his words, and hopefully he would draw the same conclusions and then do something about them.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Once breakfast was ready and assignments had been made for the day, Ben asked to sit next to Adam and Hoss. There were things he needed to say to the two of them but especially to Adam. It was difficult for him to express these things so publicly, but Moses had been correct. If he was going to criticize his sons in front of the men, he needed to praise them and ask for advice the same way. "Adam, I'm very sorry I didn't trust your judgment when you fired Jenkins. All this trouble could have been avoided if I had. Little Joe's life was needlessly put at risk. And that is something for which I am deeply indebted to you for doing. You saved Little Joe's life. You stayed cool and rational and came up with a plan. One thing I have to tell you was that when Hoss told me what you were doing, I was terrified that I could lose you both. When I saw you standing there holding a pistol aimed at Jenkins while he was ready to choke the life out of Little Joe, I could barely think. Now I know what other men see when they look at you. I kept remembering the boy who was at my side all those many years. I wasn't seeing the man that boy had become."

"Thank you, Pa. It means a lot to me to hear you say that."

"Both of you have earned the right to give me advice. I can't say I'll always take it well because I do have a bit of a stubborn streak, but I will listen and think about it no matter how I react." Watching his sons grin, Ben smiled. "I do think my sons have inherited that same stubbornness from me, and may I remind you that your mothers were both very strong and stubborn women too so you have both gotten it from both parents."

"What about Little Joe, Pa. He get that from his mama like me and Adam?"

"No, Marie wasn't so stubborn but she liked to do things on a whim, and she had a temper that erupted like lightning and could be gone just as fast." No one said anything to that but smiled. They all had the same thought. That described Little Joe rather well.

"Little Joe get all his temper from Marie, Pa?"

Smiling but ignoring Hoss' comment, Ben wanted to move on to other subjects. "Now I overheard you talking about a plan to get hay from the high plateau. What did you have in mind?"

Adam and Hoss explained their ideas. Ben agreed it was worth trying. Then he had a suggestion for Adam. "Barney Fuller's timber operation also does some milling. That means of course that he can supply not only logs, but timbers and boards too. It gives him a distinct advantage when we're competing for contracts. Do you think you could come up with a plan for us to put in a lumber mill?"

"Well, we would need to find a proper site. We would need a steady supply of water, and it couldn't be too far from the timber operations because we wouldn't want to increase the costs by adding a lot of transportation expense. We would have to decide what kind of saws would be best for us to use and then order them. We probably wouldn't see those for six months or so. Then we would also have to spend some time building it."

"Does that mean we can't do it or are you laying out the plan for how to do it?"

Smiling sheepishly, Adam admitted he was already envisioning a lumber mill. Hoss smiled too until Ben said he needed to work with Adam on the project.

"But, Pa, I don't know nothing bout building a lumber mill. Adam's the one done gone to school for such as that."

"Yes, but Adam will need help in locating the site, taking measurements, and hiring the right people. You've got more experience up in those hills and know more of the craftsmen who are available in this area. So, you just became his right hand man. Is there a problem with that?"

Hoss shook his head. "When we gonna do this, Pa?"

"You and Adam can get started after the drive. Things tend to slow down in the fall. We can keep some of the men on a bit longer to move the herds down to the lower pastures. I'd like to see if you can make this hay idea work too. We took a lot of losses in that big blizzard last year. The cattle couldn't move much and couldn't eat for days. They got weaker and a number of them died. We had a lot of beef to eat, and the people in town were happy to get the meat too, but that cost us a lot. If your hay idea works, then we should be able to cut our losses. Any help in that would be good. Now why don't you get some rest? I think I'm going to try to do just that myself as soon as I track down Little Joe."

Later when Ben returned with Little Joe, Adam was sleeping and Hoss was relaxing as he waited to make sure Little Joe returned safely. Little Joe had been washing some clothing with the cook and had not realized that his family didn't know where he was. Ben looked at Adam who was frowning in his sleep and occasionally moving his head as if to say no. Looking quizzically at Hoss, he clearly was concerned about Adam. "Do you think his feet are hurting him that much?"

Hoss spoke softly so as not to disturb Adam any more than he already was. "He sleeps like that every night. I figure it's why he always looked so tired when we was at home. He never gets a real restful sleep. He only sleeps well when he's plum tuckered out."

Ben lay down on his bedroll then but didn't sleep. He worried about Adam and the secrets he had that made him unable to sleep peacefully unless he was exhausted. He had thought Moses was going to tell him something about Adam but had held back. He wondered now what Moses knew that he didn't and why Adam had confided in his new friend instead of his father. Then he thought about the relationship between him and his oldest son realizing that he had not created a situation in which Adam would likely trust him enough to talk with him. He resolved to find a way to improve that as well.

There was no time for Adam and his father to talk over the next few days. There was a steady rainfall. It was the kind that never quit and water dripped from the leaves of trees if you tried to find cover under them, mud was everywhere, and meals were cooked under a tarp. The men had to stand around the smoky fire under the tarp to eat. More tarps were spread where grass could be found and the men laid their bedrolls there to sleep. Despite their best efforts, by the end of two days, almost everything was wet and muddy. Adam of course felt guilty about riding in the back of the wagon staying dry and comfortable while everyone around him was miserable. A cut on his left foot had to be stitched when it refused to close up and seeped blood. Because of that, he had another day of riding in the wagon before he was cleared to ride his horse. Any infection on the trail could be life threatening, so an injured man on a drive had to learn to accept riding in the wagon until a wound, even a small one, began to heal. Finally they emerged from the mountain pass to a wide valley of lush grass and several watering holes. Ben had them set up camp next to a small but very clean pond, and told everyone they would stay there one day to dry out and clean up. The cattle needed to graze too so it would work well at helping them bring a healthy herd to market. That afternoon, Charley washed Adam's feet and lightly bandaged them so that he could get his boots on. Adam found walking was a bit painful, but once he was mounted up, there was very little discomfort. He felt so much better and rode out to see how everyone was doing. Hoss saw him first.

"Pa know you're riding?"

"No, and it shouldn't matter. Charley cleared me, and I feel fine."

Smiling, Hoss shook his head. "When did that ever stop Pa from worrying?"

"Never, but he needs to understand that I can make that kind of decision for myself."

"Good luck with that."

It didn't take long to test Hoss' theory. Ben rode up to them with Little Joe right behind him. "Adam, I'm surprised to see you out here."

Adam repeated what he had told Hoss about Charley clearing him to ride. Ben nodded and said he would meet them in camp for dinner. As he rode away, Hoss slapped Adam on the arm. The two of them made a last circuit of the herd and headed in for dinner. Adam rode as close to camp as he could before dismounting and asked Hoss to take care of his horse. Hoss knew why so agreed readily. Adam did his best not to limp as he walked into the camp but sat down at the first opportunity. Ben had a cup of coffee and a plate of stew. He handed them to Adam and went to get a second one before settling himself next to Adam.

"Good to have you back in the saddle, Adam. We're short handed so your help will be greatly appreciated. In the next town, maybe you could go in to see if you could hire some men to finish the drive with us?"

Adam agreed it was a good idea, and the two chatted about the drive and how much time they probably had left. Hoss came in, grabbed some food and coffee and sat next to them. Little Joe was the last to arrive because he had helped set everything up for dinner.

"I was wondering if the three of you thought it might be a good idea for us to stay in Sacramento a few days before we head back. Maybe we could find some entertainment that Little Joe could enjoy with us, have a few very good meals, and sleep in some nice beds for a change."

The brothers all agreed immediately with that idea and began suggesting things they would like to do in the city. Ben told them they couldn't do everything they suggested because they still needed to get back to the ranch in a reasonable amount of time although Charley and the others could head home immediately and handle anything for a short time. The rest of the drive proceeded as expected and staying in Sacramento was enjoyable especially for the two youngest who had seldom been outside of Nevada. They stayed three days and on the third night, Ben asked Adam to accompany him to a saloon for a drink as the two youngest stayed in the room enjoying their latest purchases. Hoss had gotten himself a new carving knife and was whittling, and Little Joe got his first dime novel and decided reading wasn't such a boring thing to do after all. Adam had surmised that Ben had an ulterior motive and wasn't disappointed.

"I thought it was about time that the two of us had a talk. I know I have been unreasonable about a few things since you got back. In my defense, as your father, I saw you as my son and not as the man you've become. I will try to do better and think I have in these last few weeks." Adam nodded as he sipped his beer. "And man-to-man, I have noticed that you seem very troubled. Now I should have noticed sooner and I apologize for that, but if there's something you would be willing to share with me, I've got the whole evening just for you." Ben willed himself to be patient then. He knew Adam needed time before talking about anything serious. He sipped his own beer then as Adam sipped his.

"Several things happened in the last month before I arrived home that were upsetting."

"Do you want to tell me what they were?"

So Adam told the tale again of the black man lynched in St. Joseph. He explained why it bothered him so, and how he felt so inadequate with such evil in the world. "After talking with Moses about it, I know that it's ridiculous to blame myself. I couldn't have done anything there, but I wanted to do something. I wrote that story down, and I sent it to an abolitionist group. They could publish it in a newspaper. I don't know, but I felt the story had to be told."

Inwardly Ben cringed, but he knew how principled his son was and that he had done what he thought was necessary. Ben worried though what would happen when people found out that Adam had basically joined the abolitionist cause. "There could be repercussions."

"I knew that when I wrote the story and sent it in. But you know what happens if evil exists, and no one stands against it."

"I just hope that fight never gets here and turns one against another. Nevada isn't part of it. We don't have slaves and we won't."

"Nevada is part of the whole, Pa. It is our concern, just as it should be our concern what happens to the Chinese here and the Indians."

"It's a big battle to fight."

"It is. But I feel like I chose not to do anything in St. Joseph so that I could live to fight evil when I had a better chance of doing something about it. Like facing those three men holding Little Joe. I was scared, and I was sick to my stomach when it was over, but the thought just kept running through my head that I had to do something and the only thing to do was face them down. I hope I never have to do anything like that again."

"I could hope and pray that's true, but it's not the first time you had to use your gun to defend yourself and your family. It sadly probably won't be the last. I know it's hard to take a life. I feel awful when I have to do it, but sometimes the other person doesn't give you a choice. Jenkins and the others made their choice and forced your hand. I know it doesn't help right now, but eventually you'll come to terms with it."

They let the topic rest then, but Ben knew there had to be something more personal troubling Adam. "I get the feeling there's another story you're not telling me. Is it something you think you could share with me?"

After sitting and gnawing on his cheek a bit, Adam looked at his father. "Maybe, but not here. How about if I buy a bottle, and we take it back to our room?"

In the room, Adam poured himself a shot, drank it, and then poured another before sitting. Ben could easily see how on edge he was. Ben took his time pouring his own drink and walking to sit on the edge of the bed. Adam was staring up at the ceiling, and Ben wondered what he would say.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Her name is Mercy. She and I had what many would call a whirlwind romance. We spent as much time together as we could. She was smart, funny, and had a curiosity about everything. We agreed on so much. She loves to talk. We discussed everything. It was so much fun to have someone to be with who wasn't just a pretty face for an evening of dancing and socializing. She was a woman who could fill my days."

Adam stopped then and drank more of the brandy they had brought to their room. Ben wondered if he would continue because his voice had gotten hoarse which was a good sign of the inner turmoil caused just by this conversation. On the other hand, Adam had suggested coming to the room to talk so he did want to get it all out. Ben decided to prod him just a bit.

"What happened?"

"She said she loved me. I loved her and told her so. I asked her to marry me, and she accepted." Adam paused once again, and Ben knew he was getting closer to hearing what had so disillusioned his son. "Here's where it get's more complicated and includes another story of how my life just didn't go the way I had hoped. Grandfather was very happy to hear that I planned to marry Mercy. We were going to work out the details of the wedding and where I would live before writing a long letter inviting you to the wedding. I planned to stay in Boston and work in the firm where I had interned."

Ben's heart twisted just a bit with that news because he had feared that Adam would not come home when he finished college and that he would pursue a career doing things he loved to do. Ben held his tongue though for he knew if he wanted the rest of this story, he had to let Adam tell it at a pace he found comfortable. "As soon as I had my diploma, I went to work. I was assigned a job that I had started during my internship. It was a factory, and the clients liked my design for its efficiency and esthetic elements. What they wanted me to do was to remove the doors that I had drawn in for the workers to escape if there was a fire. They thought the workers would use them to slip outside for breaks. On the first floor, they wanted me to move the windows higher so the workers wouldn't be able to see outside and be distracted from their tasks. Pa, it was a textile factory. Fire is a real possibility. People could die if it was built that way. I told them that people could die without those doors or windows to use as an exit. One of the clients said if the factory burned, they wouldn't need the workers anyway. I quit. I couldn't do it. So I went to Mercy and told her. She was furious at first. It was her father's firm. It's how we met. I got the internship there and she came in one day to visit her father. He liked me and thought me suitable for his daughter. She liked me and I liked her. We saw more and more of each other."

"What did you tell her when you quit?"

"I said I couldn't work like that. I couldn't knowingly put people at risk. I wanted to go home to Nevada. She said she wouldn't live in the wilderness and I was being ridiculous. It got worse from there. I told her that I had been willing to give up my home to make a new home with her, so why wouldn't she even consider my proposal. I even offered to live in San Francisco. She broke off our engagement. Not right away though. She tried other ways to convince me to stay there with her."

From the way Adam said it, Ben had a very good idea of what Mercy had done to try to convince his son to stay with her. Now he understood better Adam's disillusionment. He had thought to get a degree and do great things. His dream had been stomped into the dirt by Mercy's father and by Mercy. Adam sat then with his head down. It was clear he was upset. Ben got up and walked to him placing his hand on Adam's shoulder.

"You did nothing wrong. You upheld your principles and took the only stand you could under those circumstances. I'm sorry that she tried to use your love against you. I'm proud of you, son."

"I don't know if I can ever trust falling in love again."

"Son, don't be afraid to take a chance. One of the worst things in life would be to never take a chance because it might be a mistake. I have taken big risks many times and don't regret any of them."

Adam stood then, and Ben wrapped his arms around his son like he hadn't been able to do for years. Adam put his head on his father's shoulder and absorbed the comfort he had needed and for which he didn't know how to ask. There were no more words between them that night. They didn't need any. After Ben released Adam, they both undressed for bed. Ben turned down the lamp when Adam slipped beneath the covers. Unlike the previous two nights, Ben did not feel his son toss and turn in his sleep. Almost a week later, they arrived home.

"Who is it, Pa?" Hoss asked his father the question they all had. They had ridden into the yard of the Ponderosa and a lovely young woman was sitting on the porch. She stood when they rode in and gave them all a dazzling smile. Adam had not smiled in greeting but had dismounted slowly and stiffly and walked toward her. Ben had a suspicion of who it was which was confirmed when Adam greeted her.

"Hello, Mercy. What the hell are you doing here?"

"That's not a very nice way to greet the woman you said you wanted to marry, now was it? When you left, I was miserable. Finally I decided to follow you here to see if your offer was still open."

Although Ben very much wanted to hear the rest of that conversation, he grabbed the reins of Adam's horse and headed to the stable telling Hoss and Joe to accompany him with their horses. He had to tell them a second time and more forcefully as they both were staring at Adam and Mercy who stood face-to-face on the porch. Ben knew they would have a lot of questions, and for now, he wasn't going to answer any of them. It would be up to Adam to share anything he wanted to share with his younger brothers.

Grabbing Mercy at the elbow, Adam guided her toward the garden behind the house although it was more of a shove than a gentlemanly gesture. He said nothing, but she could tell by the rigidity of his body and the stone face that he was very angry. She hoped to keep her wits about her and keep her composure but was rapidly losing both. When they got to the garden, Mercy sat where Adam rather forcefully directed her.

"Aren't you going to sit beside me?"

"I would rather stand."

"If I recall, you rarely stand. You lean on this, and you lean on that, but you don't stand."

"I asked you before. What do you want?"

"Adam, I came to my senses so I came to beg you to give me another chance."

"You're ready to live in what you call the wilderness? Just like that?"

"No, not just like that. I have another reason."

"What would that other reason be? It can't be money because your father has plenty of that. So what is it?"

"Well, darling, I had hoped to tell you in a more pleasant way. Are you sure you want to hear my news when you're so shocked over my appearing here on your doorstep?"

"Just tell me."

"Well, here it goes. You remember the last time we were together? Remember you had a bit too much to drink. I suppose it was because I reneged on my acceptance of your proposal of marriage, but you did get quite, shall we say, passionate that night. Adam, I'm going to have a baby, and you're the father. Now that young Mr. Barkley was courting me as soon as he found out you had left town, but of course, I couldn't let that continue. I had to tell him the truth when I realized it, and he went to my father, of all things, and told him he was no longer courting me because I was already with child. Well my father was near apoplectic with that news. He was of a mind to come out here and demand satisfaction, but of course, I told him you were an honorable man, and when I told you about the baby, well, I knew you would do the honorable thing. Out here I wouldn't think anyone would be at all concerned about a baby arriving so soon after the vows were said, but if you didn't want to continue to live together, I could go back to Boston, and we could maintain a long distance marriage. You would be free to see anyone you wanted out here for whatever pleasures you men like to have, but you would have the status of a proper marriage, and your child would be raised in genteel society. Now that's the whole story."

"Where are you staying?"

"Well, here, of course. It seemed the right thing to do if we're getting married. Mr. Sing has been most gracious, but my dear, he never smiles. He mopes around muttering to himself all the time. You don't suppose he's one of those opium eaters, do you? He might even have some of it in your house because he does seem to have a lot of strange containers in that kitchen with all sorts of names on them that no civilized person can read. He doesn't like anyone in there either so it does seem he must be hiding something."

"It's Mr. Hop or Hop Sing. And the kitchen is his domain so people only enter there when invited or because they need to be there. And he comes from a civilization thousands of years older than ours."

"Well, that's just the way it is then, I guess. Now when are you going to introduce me to your family?"

"I'll introduce you now, but no talk of marriage."

"Of course, you want to explain it all to them in your own time. I understand." Smiling, Mercy stood waiting to take Adam's arm to go into the house. Instead he gestured for her to go first. Once they reached the front door, he stepped forward to open it, and she slipped her arm through his so that was how they entered the house. They were together but Adam was scowling about as much as she was smiling. He introduced her, and his family was puzzled but friendly. Dinner was tense however as Mercy babbled on, and Adam said almost nothing. After dinner, Ben offered brandy and Mercy had one and then another as Adam frowned. Nothing had been said about her being pregnant, but he was surprised she was drinking so much. Ben mentioned that he thought the brandy decanter had been full, and he would have to get more soon. Mercy laughed and said that was fine because two was more than enough for her. Finally, she stood to go to her bedroom, and as she walked away, she turned and reminded Adam to tell his family all of their news.

"Remember, darling, this wedding has to take place soon because of the other news. Oh, I'm sorry about how that slipped out. Oh, well, you were going to have to tell them anyway. Good night, darling. Good night, everyone."

Luckily, Ben had sent Little Joe up to bed earlier so that slip of the tongue didn't get to his ears. Exhausted after the drive and so much travel, he was sleeping instead of his usual eavesdropping from the upstairs hallway. When there was no noise indicating that Little Joe had heard anything, Adam dropped his head into his hands.

"Adam, what in tarnation is going on here? She seems happy and thinks you're getting married to her."

"Pa, there isn't going to be a wedding regardless of what she said."

"Is this other news what I think it is?"

"Yes, she's carrying a child and says it's mine. It isn't."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because what we did doesn't plant a seed for a baby." Hoss looked down and blushed at that part. He started to get a good idea of what Adam meant. "I may have had too much to drink that night, and let my passion control me to some extent, but I'm not ignorant. I knew what she wanted, and I didn't give it to her. If she's carrying a baby, someone else is the father. Pa, I've been gone from Boston for almost seven months now. Does she look like she's seven months along?"

"No, in fact, she doesn't look like she's carrying a baby. No one would be able to tell looking at her. Do you think she's actually carrying a baby?"

"I don't know. I do know she only rambles on when she's had some alcohol or when she's lying. As much as she rambled tonight, it probably was both. I don't know what the story is, but I can hardly just turn her out. I'll go to town tomorrow and send some wires if I can and letters if I can't. It's going to take a long time to get any answers though."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

In the morning, Mercy didn't wake until hours after everyone else was up. Hop Sing said that she was like that every day. He hinted that there was a reason for her sleeping so much. Ben wondered if it was the pregnancy, but Adam wondered if it was alcohol. He had noted that she had looked a bit nervous when his father had mentioned that he thought he had a full decanter of brandy. When the subject had been dropped, she had looked relieved. When she finally came down the stairs, she was as perky though as the night before. Adam wondered again because as far as he knew, she had no alcohol that morning. Greeting her, Adam told her he was going to town and would be back by dinner. She seemed very disappointed, but quickly regained her composure and asked Hop Sing for breakfast. He harrumphed but agreed to get her a plate of food.

In town, Adam had to post letters. He knew it would be months before he got any responses and hopefully answers to his questions. He understood then that he would have to deal with Mercy without knowing the full story. Where he had once that he and Mercy agreed on so much, he wondered now if that had been part of her charade as well. She seemed to have a lot of secrets. Unwilling to bring Mercy to town which would start a flurry of rumors and gossip, Adam went to see Doctor Martin to see if he would be willing to see Mercy on the Ponderosa instead. Adam explained as much as he thought the doctor needed to know about Mercy. Telling the whole story to his father seemed to have made it easier to divulge more of his personal history. Before he left town, Mr. Cass gave him the copy of Uncle Tom's Cabin that he had ordered.

"That book sure is stirring up things in the east. Got a set of newspapers from New York and they're all sorts of stuff going on. Says that in the South, Miss Stowe ranks right up there with David Walker and that Garrison fellow as far as the whites are concerned. Says they all are trying to stir up the slaves. Course they killed that Walker. Poisoned him, it's said."

Unwilling to commit himself and end up in a futile argument, Adam had to ask. "How do you feel about all that?"

"Taught my son and daughter that everybody ought to work for what they get. Can't see as how it's fair for one to live off the labor of another without giving them any of the benefits of that labor. Now I ain't one of those who thinks the colored are equal to whites, but I just think they deserve a chance like anybody else to work and get the fruits of their own labor."

"At least in that last part, we agree, Mr. Cass. Would you like to read the book when I'm done?"

"Now, I was hoping you would offer. I surely would like to see what all the fuss is about."

"I'll bring it back to you when I'm done."

The two said their goodbyes, and Adam left. Two men in the back of the store had overheard the exchange and were whispering together.

"First he favors that colored hand over the white hands, and then we heard he wrote something in one of those abolitionist newspapers. Now he brings that Stowe book into our town to stir things up even more. Something ought to be done about him."

"You still know that renegade, Two Cats?"

"Yeah, he helps me and my brother in our trap line."

"Find out if he's willing to make a little extra money doing a little extra job I got for him. We can take care of Adam Cartwright, and get those pesky Paiute out of the way. They steal from our trap lines, destroy our traps, and run us off some of the best streams for trapping. We can stop that."

Intrigued but clueless as to what his friend wanted, the man had to ask. "What do you want Two Cats to do?"

"As soon as he can, I want him to shoot Adam Cartwright with a Paiute arrow, two if he's got the time."

The second man laughed gleefully as the speaker grinned. They decided to celebrate in advance with a shot of whiskey and headed over to a saloon. Later that night, they met up with Two Cats, told him their plan, and paid him. Two Cats was more than willing to do it. He hated the Paiute for whipping him and turning him out. An outcast from one society, he was unable to fit in white society. He blamed his troubles on the Paiute, and on everyone who sided with them so the Cartwrights were his enemy too. He would watch, and he would do it when the opportunity arose. Two Cats was amused by the irony of two white men willing to pay him to shoot another white man in order to start a war against the Paiute. However, even though the two men called Adam Cartwright a boy, Two Cats knew he was no boy. Two Cats planned to be very careful.

Later that day, Doctor Paul Martin was on the Ponderosa to see Mercy. Adam had told her the doctor was coming to see her because she needed proper care while she was carrying a baby so she objected very little. When Paul finished his exam and left Mercy in her room to dress, he walked outside with Ben and Adam. Paul looked very serious.

"She is with child but I would say no more than five months and more likely closer to four. But there's something else. Her heartbeat is very slow. I couldn't hear any sounds from the baby. I should have been able to hear a heartbeat. It may be so slow and soft that I couldn't hear. Is she tired a lot?"

Ben answered. "Well Hop Sing has seen her the most and said she usually sleeps late, takes a nap in the afternoon, and goes to bed early. What we have seen so far confirms that."

But Adam had a question. "Paul, could too much alcohol do that?"

Paul looked thoughtful. "It could be that. It could be other factors as well. Certainly she should not have alcohol as it could make things worse. I'll be back in a couple of days to see how she and the baby are doing. Good food and rest are the only prescriptions for now."

Once Paul left, Ben removed the whiskey and brandy decanters from the great room and had Hop Sing put them in the pantry out of sight. Ben also told Hop Sing not to put wine glasses on the table as they would not be serving wine while Mercy was a guest. Mercy joked at dinner that she truly did feel that she was in the wilderness with no wine served with dinner. When that did not achieve her desired response, she pouted and went to her room shortly after dinner concluded. An hour later, she was downstairs, perky and talkative as she had been. Adam was suspicious. When she retired for the evening, he followed her up the stairs and knocked on her door. He opened the door and was shocked by what he saw as Mercy was drinking from a brown bottle. He grabbed it away from her.

"It's my medicine. It helps me with my woman troubles, and makes me feel better. When I'm sad, it makes me happy again. Otherwise, I would get so sad, I would just want to die."

"It's patent medicine and not from any doctor. I can smell that the main ingredient is alcohol. The mint doesn't completely cover that. I have no idea what else they may have put in it."

"I have to have my medicine!"

"No, you don't." Seeing another unopened bottle on her dresser, Adam grabbed it too. He left then as she sobbed. When he got downstairs, he told his father he would explain later. He saw the wide-eyed looks of Little Joe and Hoss and didn't want to have to say too much in front of them. Ben saw what he was holding and said he already knew what most of the problem was.

The next morning, the family was awakened by a huge commotion downstairs. Hop Sing had found Mercy rummaging through his kitchen. She had made quite a mess. By the time Ben and Adam got there, Hop Sing and Mercy were trading insults.

"What in tarnation is going on here?"

"I just wanted to make some tea, and this cretin came out from his den and started screaming at me."

"I quit. I go back China. I no want nasty woman in my kitchen."

"Hop Sing, I am sorry about this. Adam, will you escort our guest back to her room? I'll see about getting some tea for her."

As Adam walked Mercy back to her room, he was kicking himself. He was upset about how he had been fooled by her. She had manipulated him at almost every turn. She must have studied him to know him so well and to know what he wanted most. She had used that against him and almost ensnared him into becoming her husband. Now she had another desperate plan to bring him into her web. He was angry too and frustrated at not having a plan for extricating himself from the mess.

Adam didn't sleep any more that night, and went out early to do chores. He came in for breakfast and told his father that he was going over to Moses' cabin and would start work on expanding that stable with a lean-to for more hay. He loaded up a wagon with lumber and left. It didn't take more than a few seconds for Moses to see that he was troubled.

"You gon tell me, or I gotta pry it outta ya? Can see you're troubled some by somethun. Must be that woman up at the house with the problem."

"Is it so obvious?" was Adam's first thought, but he immediately realized the answer to that was apparent. Instead as he began unloading the lumber, he thought about what he wanted to say. Finally he decided to say it all. Moses had been patient because he was well aware of how Adam liked to think and carefully plan what he was going to say before he would start speaking. When Adam finished his story, Moses gave his perception of the situation.

"So as I sees it, you's embarrassed about having asked her to marry ya, and you wouldn't never consider marrying up with her now. You says she ain't a stupid one, so I wonders why she came all this way. She gotta know you ain't stupid neither so what does that gal really want? Seems to me, ya need ta ask her what that is. Ya needs ta learn the rest of the story if ya wants to help her."

Again Adam's first thought of how to respond was too apparent so he held that back. Of course he wanted to help her but had not realized that so clearly until Moses said it. He didn't want her in his life though and was wondering how to accomplish the former without the latter. He said as much to Moses.

"Well I'm not knowing what white folks in Boston think. You know her family and her friends. Why'd they let her go all this way alone? Do they even know she's here? Something not right with her story. Ya needs ta know more."

The rest of the day passed pleasantly with Adam and Moses working together as a team. Moses' wife Matilda fixed them a lunch with the hunk of ham that Hop Sing had sent along with Adam. She baked cornbread with onion and chunks of crisp bacon inside and made an extra loaf for Adam to take home. He knew Hop Sing would like it and might just bake it that way himself in the future. Matilda said she was making soup with the ham bone and trimmings that she planned for their lunch the next day. Adam found her cooking to be delicious and told her so. When the sun began to dip below the mountains, Adam hitched up the team to head home.

As Adam drove the wagon home, he was trailed by Two Cats who never got in a position to ambush Adam. At the Ponderosa, Adam stopped the team and jumped out to bring the cornbread to Hop Sing so he could include it with dinner. The hands were already having dinner so there was no one around. Two Cats was waiting to see if Adam would come back out to put the team away. When Adam did, he took the reins to lead the horses toward the stable but they were nervous with the scent of an unfamiliar man nearby. Not realizing there was a real danger that had made the horses skittish, Adam stood in front of them and rubbed their cheeks to calm them. It was a perfect opportunity for Two Cats with Adam standing with his back as a target.

In the house, Ben heard the horses making a lot of noise. He wondered why because Adam was simply putting them in the stable. "Now that's odd. Why would those horses be making so much noise?"

Little Joe jumped up from the settee where Ben had told him to sit and read until dinner. "I'll go find out, Pa. I'll help Adam with the horses." What they heard next, made the rest of them rush outside. "Oh, God, Adam, what happened to you? Pa, Pa, come quick."

When Ben saw Little Joe kneeling next to Adam who had an arrow protruding from his back and another in his thigh, he ordered Little Joe and Mercy back into the house. When they hesitated, he barked at them. "Get in the house, now! Hoss, go get the hands and make sure they're armed." Kneeling then and heedless of any danger, Ben whispered to Adam. "Hang on, son, hang on. We'll get you inside in a moment and take care of you. You just hang on."

Once Hoss and the hands were there, Ben had Hoss and a couple of hands help carry Adam inside. They put him facedown on the bed in the downstairs spare bedroom. Ben pulled the pillows away, and Hop Sing began cutting the clothing from Adam being very careful around the arrows. Hoss went out to set up a defensive perimeter and then left that in Charley's capable hands. Two of the men were sent to town to get the doctor, although he suspected that the arrows would have to be removed before the doctor arrived.

Inside Ben and Hop Sing were surveying the grisly wounds. They decided too that the arrows should probably come out. They were able to remove the arrow in Adam's back more easily than expected. Adam's thick leather vest and his shoulder blade had prevented the arrow from penetrating too deeply although it was embedded about a quarter inch into the shoulder blade. Adam screamed as they worked the arrow loose and then pulled it out. Ben tried to talk to Adam to calm him but he was uncommunicative. The immense pain he was suffering was overriding all of his senses. They washed the wound in Adam's back causing him to writhe in pain and groan loudly. Finally Ben pressed a wad of cloth against the wound to slow the bleeding. Adam cried out for him to please stop, and Ben had tears falling as he could not comply with that request. As he did that, Hop Sing examined the arrow in Adam's thigh.

"Arrow too deep. Can't pull out. Can't push through."

"Why can't we push it through?" Even as he asked, Ben could see the problem. The arrow was in at an angle. If they pushed it through, it would sever blood vessels and possibly kill his son. That arrow would need to be cut out. Hop Sing waited for Ben's decision. "It's not bleeding too much right now. Let's wait a few hours to see if the doctor gets there to do it. If he doesn't, we'll have to do it."

"It be very painful. He will suffer much."

"I know, and we can't wait too long. Every hour we wait increases the chance of a serious infection, but I think a few hours won't make too much difference, do you?"

"We wait if not too long. Hop Sing make poultice for back and for leg. He make food for family. Need food for this long night."

Hop Sing stepped out of the bedroom and noticed Hoss trying to comfort Little Joe. Hoss had a rifle on the table in front of him and was wearing his pistol. Mercy sat to the side apparently lost in her own thoughts. Hop Sing told Hoss to go in to see his father. Little Joe wanted to go in too, but Hop Sing said he would do better helping in the kitchen. "Brother no need all noise. He need quiet peaceful time. He need strength later. Rest now. You help. You cut bandages for when honorable doctor get here." Reluctantly Little Joe went with Hop Sing as Hoss went in to be with his father and Adam.

When Hoss entered the room, he stood by the door for a moment shocked by what he saw. Their father's hands were stained with blood and he held a wad of cloth to Adam's back. Adam lay naked on the bed with dried blood across his back and leg and beneath him staining the sheets. The arrow was still in his leg, and that wound was oozing blood. Ben spoke forcefully to break through Hoss' shock.

"Hoss, close the door. I need your help cleaning him up. Use that basin there and wet some cloths and clean the dried blood. Be very gentle and try not to move him at all. Any movement is like torture to him.

So as gently as possible, Hoss cleaned the dried blood from his brother. Once Adam cried out as Hoss bathed blood away from his leg, and Hoss couldn't stop the tears from falling.

"It's all right, Hoss. He knows you're helping. It's just that he's in so much pain. You did a fine job. Now could you get some blankets and cover him to keep him warm?"

Hoss carefully placed a blanket over Adam's lower legs and then another over his buttocks and lower back. It had been hours since Adam was first wounded. They settled in to wait another few hours to see if the doctor would arrive to deal with the arrow in his thigh. The time seemed interminable until they heard horses and a carriage arrive. Ben had actually been considering that they should go ahead and cut that arrow out of his leg so he was greatly relieved to know the doctor would handle that part.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Sheriff Roy Coffee and another volunteer had accompanied the two ranch hands as they escorted the doctor's carriage to the Ponderosa. Roy and Paul came inside. Paul did a quick examination and knew what he had to do.

"First I'll need help getting him on his side so I can give him a dose of laudanum. Then I'll stitch that shoulder and bandage it tightly. By the time I get to his leg, he should be feeling less pain, but his wounds are serious enough that there will still be some pain so I'll need at least two men to hold him down when I cut that arrow from his leg."

Even though he expected them, Ben looked ashen at hearing those words. Ben and Hoss moved to help Adam to right side so that Paul could give him medication. He screamed again but not as loud. It was clear that he was growing weaker. Paul pinched Adam's nostrils to get him to open his mouth and then used a nurse's bottle to pour in a dose. Adam swallowed, coughed, and then groaned in his agony. Although shaken by Adam's suffering, Ben and Hoss eased Adam back down onto his stomach so the doctor could do as he said he would. Paul cleaned the wound on Adam's back that made him writhe in pain again and move his leg, and that brought another scream choked off by a sob.

"Hold him so he can't move. The pain is weakening him rapidly and every movement causes him pain. I need to get this stitched up, and the laudanum doesn't take its full effect that fast." Once Paul closed the wound on his back, he cleaned it again, and then bandaged it tightly. "Now we hope the dose has taken its full effect. Someone needs to hold his legs and someone else needs to hold down his upper body when I cut that arrow out." By the time it was over, Ben and Hoss were badly shaken and relieved it was finally done. Paul said neither wound was critical, but that infection could change all that. "I carefully cleaned each wound before and after I stitched them closed. Hopefully that has diminished the chance of infection significantly. I want Hop Sing to change these bandages at least twice daily. He knows what to do if he sees drainage indicating an infection. He'll probably have a mild fever as his body heals. I'm leaving a bottle of laudanum. It's much more than Adam will need or be willing to take. I prepared it for a Flying W ranch hand with a shattered leg, but the man died before I ever saw him. You can save the rest. I'll be back in two or three days unless you need me sooner. I will be in Carson for the next two days if his condition gets worse in any way."

As Adam lay on his back, he slowly regained awareness of his surroundings. For several hours, all he had been able to feel was excruciating pain that seemed to radiate throughout his body. Pains like red hot pokers seared into him and made him wish for oblivion, but now he felt a dull, throbbing pain in his back and sharper pains in his leg if he moved it at all. He tried not to move it. He heard voices and opened his eyes. His father and Roy were talking quietly. He could hear Roy more clearly than his father.

"We gotta send word to the Army about what these Paiute done. I'll send riders to the settlements hereabouts to let them know."

From the bed, both men heard Adam even though his voice was weak. "Not Paiute."

"Adam, them was Paiute arrows that was in ya. I saw em with my own eyes. Now I know you and your Pa try to be on good terms with them Paiute, but you can't let em do this kind of thing. You could have died."

"Two Cats."

"What? Two Cats? Son, how could you know that?"

"I saw him when I fell."

"You're sure? I can arrest him if you're sure."

Nodding to Roy's request, Adam closed his eyes. He was exhausted and had done the one thing he had wanted to do since he was shot and looked into Two Cats' eyes as he fell. Finally able to name his attacker, he let himself succumb to the sleep he so badly wanted and needed so much. Roy left, and Ben brought Little Joe in to see that Adam was sleeping peacefully. Mercy followed them into the room. Looking around and moving to a chair, she said she would sit with Adam long enough for Ben to get Little Joe into his bed and settled for the night. When Ben returned, she relinquished the chair and headed for her bed. Hoss stopped in, and Ben told him to go to bed. He said Hoss could relieve him in the morning after chores were done. Mercy was there as Hop Sing was serving breakfast and said she would sit with Adam while the family ate. Then Hoss sat with Adam so that Ben could get some sleep. That night, Mercy was there again to give Ben a break for dinner and later so he could see Little Joe before he went to bed. Adam slept for almost all of the first twenty-four hours.

Hop Sing, Ben, and Hoss took turns sitting with Adam, and Mercy came in regularly to give each of them short breaks. The pattern in various forms continued for three days. For longer and longer periods, Adam was awake. He was too weak to talk much, so whoever was with him would talk or read to him when he was awake. Three days after it had happened, Doctor Martin came in during the late afternoon to check on his patient. He was relieved to see only mild reddening around each wound and that Adam only had a mild fever.

"Paul, everything has happened pretty much as you predicted. Adam has slept a lot, has had a low fever, and now is complaining that he wants to get out of this bed. I did help him get propped up on pillows so he could sit instead of lay flat on his back. I hope that was all right."

"No, that's fine. I should have suggested that myself before I left. It will help to keep his lungs clear and avoid any pneumonia. Yes, he can sit as much as he wants. Now let me take a look at that leg before I say anything more about him getting out of bed." Finding the leg healing very well, the doctor was pleased. "Adam can get out of bed with assistance to get to a chair to sit. He should not try to walk or stand by himself for at least a few more days. With assistance, he can dress too. But no going outside, and he must be very careful not to pull any of those stitches out. He's avoided infection so far but any opening of either wound would be an opportunity for an infection."

"You can talk to me directly. I'm right here."

"I'm sorry, Adam. Yes, I should. I've just gotten so used to talking to your father about any of you." As Paul prepared to leave, he saw the bottle of laudanum. "Adam, you've been taking far too much laudanum. It's addictive. You don't need that on top of everything else."

"Paul, I wouldn't take any after that first night. It makes me want to throw up and gives me awful dreams."

"But the bottle is over half gone. If you haven't been taking it, who has?"

Adam thought he knew, and as he saw his father's expression change, it was clear that Ben had an idea too. "Paul, can you tell if someone has been taking laudanum?"

"If they have recently, certainly. Why? Who do you suspect?" But Paul thought back to a previous visit and what Adam had told him. "I should probably check on Mercy while I'm here." It was clear that all three men had the same suspicion. Mercy had been so accommodating and had been in Adam's room three to four times daily. Adam was resting on his right side much of the time so he would not see what someone was doing by the dresser. Adam told Paul about the patent medicines he had given to Hop Sing to hide in the pantry.

"Most of that stuff is alcohol with liberal doses of sugar to hide it. Many of them also have laudanum in them especially the ones sold to women for their monthly discomfort. She may be addicted to the stuff. If she is, it explains a lot. I'll know more after I examine her." Paul asked Mercy to go to her room so he could check her and the baby. He had bad news when he next saw Ben and Adam. "Now I know why I couldn't hear a heartbeat. She may very well have gotten with child seven months ago. By her size, I thought four or five months, but the baby is dead, and that's why there has been no further growth. The baby probably died as long ago as one to two months ago. Either that of the baby was so stressed, it didn't thrive at all and only recently died. She will miscarry or have a stillborn child at delivery. I have things I can give her to make her miscarry now if she will give me permission."

Adam was concerned. "Did you tell her all of this?"

"No, because I expect her to be emotionally distraught when I tell her. She's going to need someone to be with her. I can take her to town with me and keep her in one of the bedrooms at my office. That way I can have nursing care for her around the clock."

Adam and Ben agreed that was the best solution. Adam said he would pay any bills for her care, and not to stint on it. Paul told Mercy then about the conclusions he had reached and the care that Adam would provide. Mercy asked to see Adam before she left.

"I really did want to marry you, but you wouldn't have fit into Boston with those ideals of yours. I actually started seeing Frank Harrison when you left. His family is very prominent and has tons of money, but he made me do vile and terrible things. He wasn't gentle like you. He got me with child, and my father wanted me to marry him. I wouldn't. I couldn't. Because I refused, father decided to send me to relatives in Richmond to have the baby. I kept going and traveled here to see if you would still want me. I know now how foolish that was. Everything I've done has ruined any chance I had with you. I thought it was the best solution for me, and I didn't give much thought to what you would want. Maybe when I'm healthy again, you'll reconsider?"

"Mercy, no. It was over between us before I ever left Boston. There is nothing to reconsider. I feel some responsibility for you, but I don't love you. I'm not sure I ever did. I think I loved the image that you created for me to see and enjoy."

By the tone of Adam's voice and the finality of how he phrased his response, Mercy knew it was true. Hoss gave her a ride into town because the doctor did not have room enough in his carriage for all of her luggage. Hoss thought she looked like a wounded bird when he helped her walk into the doctor's office. He wished they could do more for her, but realized that the doctor could do far more for her now than his family could. When Hoss stopped at the general store to pick up supplies, Mr. Cass gave him a package that had arrived for Little Joe. At the Ponderosa, Little Joe took the package and hurried to his room. Now there was another mystery in the house.

Within a week, Doctor Martin informed them that Mercy had miscarried. The baby was partially calcified so had been dead a long time. Paul also had made arrangements for Mercy to travel by freight wagon north to the California Trail where she would be able to get transportation to San Francisco. There was a hospital there where she could get the care she needed. Paul was giving her laudanum to maintain her addiction until she could get to the hospital where they had experience dealing with people addicted to opium. Once the addiction was treated, Mercy would be put on a ship to take her home. Ben had agreed to pay the costs as Adam did not have that much money. Relieved and sad, Adam was finally free of Mercy and the negative memories she stimulated in him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Little Joe's twelfth birthday was only days away, and Little Joe was happier and happier each day. Adam was healed, and he and Hoss had taken a hunting trip. Little Joe was a bit jealous that he wasn't included, but Adam promised that as soon as he was fourteen, he could join his two older brothers for a hunting trip. Ben had promised Joe a new rifle on that birthday so he would be able to hunt too with his brothers' supervision. Ben had been reluctant to see his two older sons heading off into the mountains to hunt because Adam had only recently begun to ride again. His leg had bothered him for quite some time after he was shot. There was an arrest warrant and a reward out for Two Cats, but he had not yet been apprehended nor did anyone have any idea where he was. No one had any idea why Two Cats had shot Adam either. It was all a big mystery.

When Adam and Hoss arrived home without any game, Little Joe was disappointed. He looked up to his big brothers and thought they were capable of doing almost anything. He had wanted to brag at school about some huge elk or bear they would bring home. Little Joe thought they would be discouraged and grumpy with their lack of success, but instead, they seemed happy and relaxed. He was having a more and more difficult time understanding adults. He was sure that when he was an adult, he would do things more sensibly than his brothers. When he mentioned that to his father, Ben nearly doubled over laughing. He apologized to a grumpy Little Joe, but his smile said he wasn't very sorry about it.

Little Joe was looking forward to his birthday very much and even more than usual. He had a surprise of his own and hoped he would be surprised as well. When the big day arrived, he got up early without being prompted and rushed down the stairs where his family had just gotten to the dining table. He knew he was in for some teasing, but it was all part of the way birthdays were celebrated with his family. What puzzled him though was that there was no teasing. In fact, there was no mention of his birthday at all. He ate his breakfast and kept sneaking peaks at his father and Hoss. There was no point looking at Adam. He never gave any hints of anything unless that's what he wanted to do. Hoss was his best bet but he seemed as oblivious as to the importance of the day as anyone. Little Joe started to get a little irritated with everyone. When his father suggested it was time for him to go get his chores done, he slammed his napkin down and stomped out to the stable. He pulled the door open and stood without moving which for him was an unnatural act. In the middle of the stable tethered to a post was a pinto pony. Little Joe heard Adam's voice, but at first what he said didn't register in his brain.

"Well aren't you going to go say hello to your new pony?"

Turning around, Little Joe saw his family walking toward him with big grins. Almost in unison they said happy birthday to him. He turned back and slowly approached the pony. He held out his hand and the horse stepped toward him and sniffed. Hoss was by his side by then and handed him two apples. He broke them in half as he had seen Adam do with his horse and fed them to his new horse. Ben went in the tack room and brought out a new saddle, saddle blanket, and bridle. Joe just kept running his hand up and down the horse's neck.

"Well, it looks like you like your present. Sorry we didn't have anything to wrap this year."

"What? Oh, no, this is better, lots better. Where did you get him?"

"I didn't. Your brothers did. The Paiute had him, and I offered to trade cattle for her, but they wouldn't trade. Adam talked to them to find out if there was anything we had that they would accept for the pony. Apparently there's been a cougar that had attacked several of their people and killed one young boy. They said to bring them that cougar, and they could have the pony."

"So that's what Adam and Hoss went hunting?"

"Yes, I was very nervous about it, but Adam assured me that they would be careful. He reminded me that Hoss is the best tracker in the Comstock, and that he's the best with a rifle so between the two of them, they made the best hunter here. I had to agree of course."

"So you guys got the cougar?"

"Yes we did, and we brought down a few elk and some birds too. We traded it all for the pony, and they threw in a braided leather rope. So you have your own nice lariat too. They fixed us a feast when we got there, so Hoss was happy too."

"Hey, little brother, what ya gonna name him. Adam and me know the Indian name if you want to know."

"Yeah, what was it?"

"They was calling him Cochise after that Apache chief cause they traded for him from some tribe south of here."

"That's the name them. My pony is Cochise!"

"Now he's not broken to the saddle yet. We can work on that over the next few weeks. Pa said you can ride him to school once we're sure he's fully tamed."

"Adam, can we start now?"

"Sure, we'll put the saddle on him if we can and you can walk Cochise around the corral."

"That's it?"

"For today, yes. You have to get to know your pony and your pony has to get to know you. Cochise has got to get used to all of us and to the stable and corral and everything else."

"Oh, all right. Let's do that then."

Ben and Hoss chuckled. Patience was not one of Little Joe's virtues. He preferred haste and speed in almost everything except going to school and going to bed at night. He and Adam spent most of the day with Cochise. By that evening, Joe had finally calmed down somewhat. When it was time for bed after cake and celebrating were concluded, Little Joe carried a package to Adam's room and laid it on his bed. When Adam went up to his room a short time later, he found it and opened it. It was a replacement copy for the Thoreau book in which Little Joe had written his angry jibe at Adam. Adam walked to Little Joe's room and knocked. Little Joe called out that he was still awake. He had been hoping Adam would come to see him.

"Thank you for the book. It means a lot."

"You're welcome. You know why I had to do it, don't you?" Joe's voice was a little choked as he said what he had wanted to make right for so long.

Sitting on the edge of Little Joe's bed, Adam tousled the boy's hair. "Yes, and I love you too, little brother. Don't ever forget it."

"I won't, Adam. I'll always remember. I do love you. You're the best oldest brother ever." Little Joe sat up, and Adam had to wrap his arms around him. At twelve and twenty-three, they were unlikely to ever do this where anyone could see, but privately, they had to show each other how they felt.

Adam nodded and left to go to his room to read. Little Joe found sleep elusive as he was thinking about Cochise and Adam. Finally the whole house was quiet. Ben sat by the fire downstairs sipping a brandy. All three sons were home, happy, and healthy. For a change, he didn't have anything to worry him. It felt good, but he wondered how long it would last. It didn't take long but he did have one very pleasant week. The following Saturday, there was a dance in town. Hoss was anxious to go, but Adam said he didn't want to attend. Paul Martin had stopped by to let them know that Mercy was on her way home. Adam had looked thoughtful and then more pensive after Paul left. It was then that he said he wasn't planning on attending the dance. Ben walked out to the stable when Hoss told him that. Adam was in the tack room working on mending some harness.

"You should save that job for the winter months. You know how difficult it can be to be cooped up here when the snow gets too deep for travel."

"I needed something to do today."

"Trying not to think about Mercy." Shrugging, Adam kept working. "Or any other woman. Adam, not every romance works out, and even if it does, you never know what will happen the next day, week, or month. You have to take a chance if you want to find happiness. You won't find it by avoiding people. I think you need to go to this dance and have some fun. No one says you have to court or marry a woman you might meet tonight, not that I would mind at all if you did." Adam grinned at that. "Hoss wants to go very badly, but I don't think he'll go if you don't. You could help yourself and help him by going." Still getting no response, Ben decided to let him stew on it for a while. "Well, I just wanted to tell you what I was thinking. I'll head back to the house now."

As Adam nodded, Ben rolled his eyes and left. Adam saw him do that and smiled a little. He knew he could be frustrating when he wasn't ready to talk, but thought that was better than having him say something that he might not mean nor want to say. He continued working for a half hour. Then he did a few tasks and headed to the house. He went up to his room without saying a word and put on a clean shirt and trousers. He polished his boots a little and grabbed a tie and jacket before heading down the stairs. When he got to the bottom, he addressed Hoss. "Well, are you going with me to the dance or not?"

Hoss whipped his head around from where he had been sitting and staring into the fire. "Hot diggity, jus let me get a jacket and tie, and I'll be right with ya."

Ben was sitting at his desk. Adam told him his plans. "I'll see if we can stay at Paul's tonight after the dance. Otherwise I'll take a room for us at the International. We'll meet you and Little Joe at church tomorrow morning." Ben nodded. Although he would worry until he saw them again, it was better than worrying about them riding that far in the dark and after the inevitably spiked punch they would be drinking.

When Ben saw his two oldest sons again, it was at church services on Sunday. They didn't appear to be willing to speak with one another. In church, one was to his right and the other to his left. Nothing was said until they were home. Adam went up to his room and soon was rapidly descending the stairs yelling for Little Joe who ran out the front door with Adam in pursuit.

"You're never supposed to go into my room without asking. You made a mess of my drafting tools."

Ben watched and assumed nothing terrible would happen. Hoss looked crossly at Adam as he exited the house. Ben assumed there was a lot more to be said there as well.

"Hoss, something bothering you?"

"Other than Adam, no."

"What did he do?"

"He ruined the dance for me last night."

"He ruined the dance for you last night? What did he do?"

"Showed up." And then Hoss sat down heavily on the leather chair to the right of the fireplace. Ben walked over and sat in the one across from him.

"He showed up and that ruined the dance for you?"

'Pa, all the girls were chasing after him all night. When I finally would get some girls to dance with me, it was all questions about Adam. Do you think Adam would dance with me? Is Adam seeing anyone in particular? Why hasn't Adam been to any dances before this one? I wasn't the only one irritated by him. He better watch his step with a bunch of men in town. Their girls were stepping out on them to dance with Adam."

"Did Adam encourage any of them to do that or talk about him?"

"Of course not, but he didn't discourage them neither."

"Did I hear you say you danced with a number of young ladies?"

"Well, yeah, Pa, but I wanted them to pay attention to me when I was dancing with em. Not Adam. Why'd he hafta come to that dance anyway?"

"Why did he go to the dance anyway? I believe it was because you asked him to. It's hardly his fault if young ladies are interested in him and want to dance with him. Did he try to win any of the girls away from their dates?"

"Of course not, Pa. We'd have some black eyes and bruises if he had done that."

"So young ladies sought him out and talked to you about him. What was he supposed to do about that?"

"I don't know. Something. He's the one who's supposed to be so smart."

"Except I think he probably liked the young ladies pursuing him and was flattered by it. As for what they say when he's not there, well, he has no responsibility at all for that. Is this why the two of you aren't talking?"

"Well, ya, I guess so. I told him he was out of line, and he kinda said the things you said. It just ain't fair."

"Maybe not, but your brother is not responsible. I think you need to remember that."

"He called me an idiot when I said those things."

"I don't think he actually meant you. Did he actually say you were an idiot?"

"Well, he said stop acting like an idiot. It's the same thing."

"No, it isn't. He probably was frustrated in not having any way to explain it to you that you would accept. It might be best to drop the whole thing and forget about it." Ben could see it would take some time for that to happen. Little Joe came running in at that point.

"Pa, ya gotta save me. Adam's gonna kill me."

"He isn't going to kill you, but why is he so angry with you?"

"Because he went in my room without asking and used my drafting tools and papers. It's a mess up there." Adam had followed Little Joe into the house. It didn't take much of a look at him to see how angry he was.

"Adam, that's enough. Joseph, is that true?"

"Well, kinda, I guess, but it ain't as bad as he makes it sound."

Ben saw Adam ready to launch into a tirade. "Adam, check over your materials. If anything needs to be replaced, Joseph will be paying for it. Joseph, you will be doing Adam's stable chores for the next week, and you will not ride Cochise this week except when Adam says it's necessary for training."

"But that means I won't get to ride him at all!"

"Oh, I doubt that very much, and you will not talk to me in that tone or there will be an extra talk that you and I will have. Adam will not punish Cochise for your misbehavior, will you Adam?"

Grimacing in frustration, Adam nodded as he stalked up the stairs. Ben told Little Joe to go make sure all the horses had enough to drink and make sure the stable was securely closed against the cool wind that was blowing. Then he sat down again and leaned back closing his eyes. These were the sons he remembered. Life had returned to a Cartwright normal. He hoped he could survive it.


End file.
